When he's open to "being normal/being in the marriage", I'm not really sure how to proceed. He seems sincere, but still won't talk about the affair (because it's been 'on my terms'). Should I talk about how it hurts, how there are triggers... or still STFU. I guess I don't know when it should be discussed. UGH.
OW withdrawal/depression is a natural occurrence.
Listen to him and wait for this part to subside. Validate his feelings and keep your boundaries in place.
