I am feeling a bit better, but still miss the hell out of her and my boys, especially being a family. I will be seeing my boys this weekend.
I hate this and it just plain stinks. I gave my life and all I do and I saw a thread by Amy C. and that is what hits home minus the affair. It follows:
AMYC:
The biggest turnaround for me came in the middle of my bedroom floor one night after I came out of MLC. Every night for two weeks I was there. Crying and praying. Sometimes just laying there devastated. I began to see things, our life, through my husbands eyes. I saw how I had contributed to the failure of our marriage, OUR financial problems, our eventual drifting apart. I came to realize I'd never really been a good wife. I'd taken care of the kids and the house but not him. Not him very well at all. I'd never been a real partner. I hadn't worked and therefore the entire financial burden had fallen on him. We had bought a little house on an acre of land that he push mowed for 3 years straight and I never so much as took him a glass of ice water. We were together but the division that existed had become clear to me. I had developed a sick false sense of entitlement, too. So even before MLC, I was far from a good wife. When the MLC hit, I was atrocious. I was adulterous, self-righteous, blamed my husband's drinking for every single thing...It took me having to go through quite a hellish journey before I realized the level of stress my husband had been under for years. He gave me everything as best he could and I spit in his face for the most part. After the MLC and in the growth period since, I have changed, grown up, owned up. In the midst of it all my heart found it's way back to my husband, who at one point I would cringe at thought of touching.
Frank:
Now I hope and pray my wife has a change of hurt and actions, but only God knows.
