The C starts off by asking how we are. The week had been good for the most part, but I started talking about last Monday, when I came home and got treated to a rant about how she wishes she'd had slept with more men in college; that she feels like her youth was wasted.
I made the mistake of being honest about how that made me feel; that I was sorry I was such a disappointment to her, and that if she wanted to make up for lost time, the door was that way.
All hell broke loose. All the old resentment and blame against me came out. It got so bad at one point that the MC called a time out for both of us.
She says she wants a strong person who is straight with her, but I don't think she means it. That whole strength thing that I was told would help me regain her respect, doesn't seem to work on her. She wants to treat me however she wants, with no repercussions. Whatever I feel or what I want means absolutely nothing to her. She's so wrapped up in her own pain that she has no room for me. And of course, it's my fault.
She thinks I haven't given her enough time to "process" everything, however hell the long that is. It's been almost 11 months since BD. If I call her on her BS, I'm bullying her. If I try to be patient with her, then I allow her to walk all over me. She says she feels no love coming from me, but when I try to be loving, it sails over her head.
Of course all this happens the day before OM comes into town. Great timing, huh? Maybe I should have kept my trap shut for one more week.
If I pull the trigger and leave the marriage, I'm the bad guy who gave up on her and broke up our family. If she pulls the trigger, then I'm the bad guy who treated her badly and made her want to leave.
I'm going to lose no matter what I do.
Last edited by NH115; 08/03/1507:25 PM.
Ex Rzrback Me 43 Her 44 D11, D15 T21, M19 BD 9/9/2014 Piecing
Sometimes if you want to see a change for the better, you have to take things into your own hands - Clint Eastwood
