Help for LBH who has a WW (new thread)

[sandi2]

Is there more info on the board for the LBH of a WAW?

Michele has an article on her website about the WAW Syndrome. Actually, I don't know that she has ever used the term wayward wife. Over several years of reading and observation, (plus my personal experience and some others very close to me) I felt that maybe there should be a distinction in those wives who were wayward and those who left for other reasons. The WW has a rebellious attitude, and is much more deceptive, selfish, cold, and likely to be in an affair or living like a girl gone wild lifestyle. IMO, some walk away wives may have a legitimate reason for leaving. That is strictly my personal views. I referred to myself as a WAW for a long time, and I had, indeed, walked away in my heart. The truth was I had turned wayward. The Bible gives a good definition of a wayward wife.

I would advise you to follow the 37 rules as your guide for a stitch with a WAW.

I hope I won't sound too harsh or sound as if I am picking on you. As a woman, and one who has not walked in the LBS's shoes, I can point to several things in your thread and wonder if that is why your W left. I think it is so tragic to wait till we lose that which is most treasured, before we wake up. If you are awake now, the best thing you can do for yourself and your family is to get therapy and/or attend anger management. You don't seem to understand how threatened a woman feels when her H is mad and yelling at her. You wouldn't even listen if she tried to calm you down........and it sounded, to me, as though you were trying to excuse it by saying you were mad at someone else. Seriously, cut it out.....and get help. Do you yell at your little girls? No? You will, if you don't take action to change things. Not trying to sound ugly to you b/c you have been a big man by coming here. I want to ask one more question about your anger problem. Has it affected any of your jobs? (I think you said you haven't had a paying job in a while, so just wondered.)

So glad to hear you are taking meds for the depression. If this has been an ongoing problem, you may need to consider talking to the doctor about a long term plan of medication and/or therapy. I have had depression ever since I was a young teen. Staying involved in healthy and inspirational activities helps. I know it is not easy on our families while living with a depressed spouse. Seeing us put forth effort to keep it in check encourages them not to throw up their hands in disgust.

Just a tip, you may want to find more statements of validation or prepared answers to give your wife. Nothing wrong with what you've said, just don't want to repeat the same thing. That will sound very fake to her ears. She knows you, and she can tell if it sounds like something out of a book. Look for Wonka's validation cheat sheet, close to the top of the forum.

A poster by the name of 25yrsmlc gives excellent advice to LBS's. You may get encouragent from reading her posts to others.

The majority of newcomers seem to have a WS. Most men just don't believe their W would ever do such a thing. If you had known me, you would have said it about me, too. So, if you discover she does have another man (at least in her head), then you may want to consider fine turning some things. Except for what some see as being tougher love, the concepts are about the same. You can also read Divorce Remedy to see what to do with a WAW. In the meantime, read other threads around the newcomers forum.