I am so angry with her especially about the children. She is under the dillusion that they will be "fine".
She doesn't even recognize how much turmoil out S6 is in over these last nine months. She literally said she doesn't see that he is not handling all of this well.
She doesn't even recognize how much turmoil out S6 is in over these last nine months. She literally said she doesn't see that he is not handling all of this well.
We all hear this. No point in arguing with her. Your S will tell her in his way and in his time. It's a shame for the kids, it really is.
My WW actually said to me that it was much better for our S10 to live at two separate addresses with her and I being apart. I wanted to point out to her that no, that isn't better for S10. It's what SHE wants not S10. But I just drank a STFU smoothie and let it go. There isn't any point reasoning with someone that thinks that way.
Me:43 Her:42 M:14 S:9 EA started 2014/03 (or there abouts) PA started 2014/05/30 BD:2014/11/05 I left 2015/10/01 I returned 2015/05/02 She left 2015/06/10 OM still on the go.
Its a tough spot. BE ... just own that the choices she is making, they are hers ... granted these all impact those around her, herself, you, the kids ... and yeah it stinks. Again .... you can not crawl up into her head, push buttons and get her to think just as you would have her do. I recall the urge I had to hold her head and just download my clear logic into her so she could see what she truly was doing, she was in a total fog ... but ya know what? ... so was I.
This is where that detach thing we have been screaming at you for months needs to start sinking in ... your life is now in full tilt chaos. Those same kids you are concerned about ... well BE they need you now more than ever, they need a father who will stand out on the top deck and continue to sail this ship trapped in a storm safely to shore .... your W is sailing her own ship .. maybe she hits the rocks .. maybe she is lost at sea .. maybe she navigates to the same place you need to go ... who knows, its this critical point BE that you captain your own ship. Make sure she is sea worthy ... its a rough ride ... try to start small, if it does not concern your ship ... let it go.
This is the tough part ... but there are clearer skies ahead I assure you.
The sad part is is that my wife is making her decision based on such negative emotions. She "hates" me and she "knows that that will never change".
When you planned your marriage, she loved you and knew that would never change. Feelings ebb and flow, and the ones that grow are the ones you feed.
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It's my kids. She will take them and displace them from our home.
Are you sure she can do that? Have you talked to a lawyer about it?
Painter. Us DBers understand that feelings ebb and flow. We are the one's who look inward and realize that feelings can change both ways and that dynamics of relationships can change many times.
So far as your question about my children. Yes, I have a lawyer (a very good one who is a family friend, a founding member of his firm, and has been practicing family law for over 30 years) and there is nothing legally I could do to prevent her from leaving the house and taking the children. The only thing she is legally prevented from doing would be to take them out of state. That she cannot do.
Little update for everyone. I had an IC session today. I really like my counselor. She is wonderful. We talked about the stages of grief I must work through, the transition period and eventually getting to my new normal. We talked about how I have to let my W go. Let her walk her own path and live with the consequences of her choices. That that is on her. Not on me.
So much of what she is working on with me is similar to what we discuss here on the boards. Being the stable and steady rock for my children and myself. Being the one who acts logically and not emotionally.
My C clearly sees that my W is acting on pure emotion and negativity and is not thinking clearly at all. But similar to what we discuss here in terms of detachment, she tells me that that is her burden to bare. Not mine. And that I need to work to be the mature and stable one in order to protect both myself and my kids.
I made the decision that I will not be moving back home because since my W in her emotional state made it clear she would leave (without any plan mind you) I will not have my young children go through that. I called my W today and told her very calmly and to the point that I will not be moving back home for this very reason. I made it clear to her that since she would decide to displace them that I wanted no part of that upheaval for them. Not for her. But for them.
I also reiterated to her that she needs to start looking for work now so we can split finances and have shared financial responsibility once she starts working because I cannot afford to pay for two households. I have made it clear that this needs to happen as soon as possible, not after the D.
I am proud of this decision because it is putting my children's needs above my own and not allowing her to take some selfish action that would have a major negative impact on a six year old little boy a few weeks before he starts second grade and a two year old little girl.
I am also proud of myself for how I handled going over and seeing my children tonight. It was only for about an hour or so but my focus was 100% upon them. I literally did not speak to or even look at my W at all.
I walked in. She said she was going to go take a shower and read upstairs. So I spent time with the kids reading stories downstairs for about an hour. Then, without even asking my W if she wanted me to or not, gave the children their bath and put them both to bed. W stayed in her (our former) room the entire time. Once I had the kids tucked in for the night I did not even pop my head in to say goodbye to my Wife. I just went downstairs, locked the door and left.
I have never in 9 months done what I did tonight. And it wasn't done in a "I'm mad at you and I'm going to ignore you" fashion. I just went about my business as dad and left.
I made the decision that I will not be moving back home because since my W in her emotional state made it clear she would leave (without any plan mind you) I will not have my young children go through that.
Is that really the best decision for your kids?
Leaving them with her?
Not sure I agree with that. And I am not sure I agree that it is in their best interest.
But she will bolt with them if I move back home. And that effects them.
What do you think? What makes you think it's not a good decision?
Kids need stable moms and dads. Would it still be a good decision if she was threatening their health and well being or abusing them?
You are giving up your parental rights and that can be used against you in court. You have abandoned your children in the eyes of most courts. Have you consulted with a lawyer about this decision?
I would never want to put young children in harms way and you could potentially be doing this with no supervision.
Don't you want to fight for custody of your children?
Don't you think that MOM's think that a strong DAD is a very attractive feature?
