Help for LBH who has a WW (new thread)

[sandi2]

((Zues)) I am hearing the pain in your words. I wish I knew what to say to make you feel better today.

After sharing your feelings, I will honestly say that I don't believe you should seek reconciliation at this time. Sometimes just too much damage has occurred. I believe people are often pushed to do what someone dictates as "the right thing". Well, it sounds as if you were doing the right thing and still received terrible treatment. Perhaps you struggle even now about doing what is perceived to be right. It is for nobody to decide what Zues should except you. I blame nobody for not wanting to step back into a relationship with a person who did what your W has done to you.

I think you agree, and that what you're saying is that you'd need proof they had DRAMATICALLY changed into a different person that regretted those decisions, a person that had been so impacted and had grown so far they might as well be a stranger to your old partner, but a stranger with kids and history you share. And that you are CAUTIONING LBH's for accepting any less.

Yes, that's pretty much what I meant. However, how dramatically they change can certainly vary from person to person. Your W would be one who would need a total make over inside and out, and it would need to be authentic. I have not read many accounts where that actually occurs. Doesn't mean it's impossible. I think there has to be a driving force behind anyone's dramatic change. We tell LBH'S to change for themselves, not to just get her back. Same thing applies to the WW. Anyone can put on a good front for a while. Eventually the real person will show.

I think it would probably take a few years for her to change as much as she would need, in order to be the W you deserve to have. I'm no professional, so it's JMO. I do believe with complete repentance comes healing and opportunity to live a better life. That is her choice, and it's your choice if she lives with you, or not.

Oh btw, whenever I say the woman has to respect a man in order to be in love with him, it doesn't mean he is a bum or necessarily did something wrong in the M. Some women lose respect for themselves and everyone. In such a case, you would have to ask yourself if she was worth it.