i have been trying to do some of that. I have been going out with friends. Went to the beach for a few days. We still live in the same house and I think that makes it hard. I don't want her to leave but it does make it hard when she refuses to talk to me. Like I said earlier, when i was in the hospital she got mad at my daughter for taking the wife responsibilties from her. She made the comment several times that she was taking over. I told her I would get my mom to give me a ride. She said, I don't want anyone saying I did not show up at the hospital or that I would not come get you. I told her I told my mom I didn't want her to miss anymore work. The next day she called and said she could come get me. I told her a couple of times it was ok I had a ride but she said a couple more times that she could come get me so I say ok come get me. But then back to the old ways. My question is she is worried about people saying she wasn't at the hospital or wouldn't come get me but she is gonna be ok with people saying her husband got burned and she waited until he was better then she left.
Good to hear that you are trying, way to go! Every situation is different, of course, but it does sound like living in the same house makes it more difficult on you. For now, don't worry about speaking with her. If you force the issue, it will make her feel pressured.
Sending out the bat light for the vets like Wonka, Sandi, MrBond, 25 and others. Mavrik could really use your help!
In the meantime, do your best to focus on making yourself a better person. We all need to do that. Take things one small step at a time and keep a PMA.
We have your back...we'll help you thru these troubling times.
Take care of yourself, ok? Promise?
Bob
Me:55 yrs/W:51 yrs (has MS) M:14 yrs T:15 yrs No children together--3 each from previous marriages Wife Moved Out: 10/19/14 Wife Filed for Divorce: 10/20/14 Divorce Final: 10/21/15
Until my accident last week I had been working out and walking 2 miles a day. I have lost down to 232 from 265. I know that she has noticed because she told some friends that I was looking good and she did not understand why I was not working out for a year while unemployed. This all started after her dad died and she started texting a friend and her brother from her hometown whose dad was also sick. They have manipulated her and talked crap about me and he fell for it. I have also been going to all of my daughters softball games (travel ball) and these usually were from Thurs to Saturday or Sunday. She always wanted me to keep her informed on how my daughter was doing. It is hard not talking to her while we live in the same house but maybe I need to look at it as she is still here. Any help or encouragement is appreciated.
Well tonight my daughter text me and asked if she could stay out until 12am. This is her normal curfew. I asked her what time did your mom say you had to be home? she said 11pm. I told her I did not care if she stayed out until 12 but I could not keep her mom from not using her car. When my daughter came in at 11:54 my wife got up and told her that she could not go anywhere tomorrow. I told my wife that I gave her permission to stay out later. Wife got mad and said that my daughter was playing her and she wasnt gonna do that. My daughter told her, So you are playing all of us. My wife looked at me and smiled and said she can't use my car anymore. I said you just need to go to bed. She came back out and said, Excuse me. She has this little smug laugh. I said,Yes just go back to bed. I am so tired of her thinking that she can hurt everyone in this family and get away with it. I am gonna stand up to her and be a man.
Well last night I told her that if she was as miserable as she seemed maybe she should just move back to Pennsylvania. She said, I can do that. i said, Ok. She was upset that I was putting my on Facebook the things that I have been doing without her. I told her I'm moving on with my life. I don't believe she will leave because later she asked me, Why don't you leave. I told her you are the one in an EA so you can leave. Tonight I made dinner, we ate and she was in bed by 8:20pm. it was still daylight outside. I really believe that she has depression going from her dad's death.
She was taking pictures of her clothes closet, curio, bookcase, a cross hanging on the wall and another closet with videos in it. She is going to visit her mom this weekend. I don't know why she is doing this. Is it because these things are the only things that she wants or evidence so in case i was to throw anything away which i wouldn't do. My 17d told her the other night that she was playing all of us. Last night she told her that she could not tell her where she could go or what she could do. I told my daughter that she could not disrespect her like that. My wife told me what she said and told me that she was gonna let me discipline her from now on. The way she said it I did not get the impression that she was planning on moving out. I think the only place she can go is to her mom's 500 miles away because she can not afford to live by herself.
I wanted to say “Hello!” and let you know you are in my thoughts and prayers.
Hmmm...that doesn't sound good, but at least you're not 100% sure.
Hang in there and try to stay positive...things will get better.
Bob
Me:55 yrs/W:51 yrs (has MS) M:14 yrs T:15 yrs No children together--3 each from previous marriages Wife Moved Out: 10/19/14 Wife Filed for Divorce: 10/20/14 Divorce Final: 10/21/15
My best friend who is a lawyer got a call from a lawyer about my wife. So I am pretty sure she went to see a lawyer. Hard to stay positive. she Baits me into an arguement. She has never wanted to work this out from day one. I did all the wrong things crying, begging and pleading. I have asked her to move out numerous times because I really believe that she will never come back to me until she leaves. I believe that there maybe issues with her EA. I told her today that obviously there was something wrong because if everything was fine she would be gone. She didn't say anything. I don't understand.... I lost my job and was unemployed for 18 months but I paid all the bills from my 401k. We survived it but once her dad died she flipped. I told her she is gonna regret her decisions one day and she told me that she would have to deal with it then. I do love her but she is making me hate her more and more everyday. Our kids d26 and d17 are so pissed at her. She is doing things to turn them against her.
Have you stated any sort of boundaries to her? Would there be any consequences if she dishonored your boundaries? Although you may not be able to see it, by reading what you write....it appears as if you are just waiting around to see what she does. It gives her the message that she can go have her fling, and you'll be keeping the home fires lit till she decides to come back.
Your D17 is right in saying WW is playing all of you. However, just for future references, I have to also say that D17 kind of played you, too. You asked her what time WW said she had to be home, and then you over-rode what WW previously told her and allowed her to come in later. If me, I would have been majorly pizzed at my H!
So, back to you and WW.......how much do you think she worries about losing you? Do you think it has even crossed her mind what you may be doing, while she's off to see OM? Are you still sleeping together? You need to stay in the master bedroom. I just wondered, are you still having sex with her? Just trying to get a clearer picture of what's going on behind closed doors.
You don't have do unfriend her FB, but I advise you to stop looking at it. It clearly upsets you. One of my adult children went through what you are experiencing (only didn't have the opportunity of learning about OP until after being told to leave). He saw that stuff thrown in his face every time he looked at her FB. So, why look? You can't detach as long as you are looking. Be your own BFF.
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I believe that there maybe issues with her EA. I told her today that obviously there was something wrong because if everything was fine she would be gone.
Come on, Mavrik. You were fishing, and she knew it. Stop doing that sort of stuff.
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I told her she is gonna regret her decisions one day and she told me that she would have to deal with it then. I do love her but she is making me hate her more and more everyday. Our kids d26 and d17 are so pissed at her. She is doing things to turn them against her.
There is no difference in what you are telling her here ^^ and trying to reason with her. You can't nice her back. You can't preach her back. You can't guilt her back. She is not logical. You can't reason her back.
If she really is making you hate her more everyday, then stop showing her how desperately you want her. Yes, she very well may turn her children against her. However, you cannot control their feelings. Every thing you said to her is true! She simply shrugs it off and continues to do what she wants, b/c she is led by her emotions and addiction to the EA.
It is not about what you feel should work in your M. It is about doing the work that gets the right results. Do what works!
