Co dependency H Affairs O my Must DETATCH

[Zues126]

I will take the challenge and start reading your thread! How long did it take you to change your thoughts? Am I going to slow? I am really trying to learn!

Thanks 4. If nothing else it's nice for people to get to know each other. But I think I've got some of the same demons as you as well.

No, you're not going too slow. Shoot...it took me three months before I really understood the situation. I joined 6/14...something happened on 9/5/14 that woke me up. I won't spoil it, but it was a game changer.

So to me the first 90 days after BD was just me spinning my wheels. None of it mattered AT ALL to STBX. I didn't really begin detaching at Level 2 detachment (level 1 being telling ourselves we should be detached lol) until closer to 11/14, so about 4-5 months in. I really feel like the first 90 days it was all about me thinking I could DB and actually steer my tale into a happy ending.

But just because I felt like I had to 'start over' at month 4 or 5...I didn't. Those first months gave me a foundation of DB principals. They got me through the worst of my grief. They allow me to know I did everything I could to stand by my M. They taught me a lot, because there is nothing like rock bottom to motivate people to change.

I wish you all the comfort in the world in this tough time 4. I've been in an emotional place myself today. Posting on threads of newbies brings me back, and it's like PTSD. It wakes up emotions again and again. I just posted on Sandi's post, man, I am so angry right now just hearing about more PA's, and reliving how I still feel about what happened to me!

The good news for me is that every time I work through those feelings they get easier. It's like 'Flooding', where if someone has a phobia about spiders they just sit in a room full of spiders for hour after hour until they get numb to it. I think these posts help me, because they trigger my emotions, but then I let them go...again, and again...and I learn to not hold on to the anger, to get good at asking God for help, and so on.

So in addition to wishing you comfort, have faith that the pain you are suffering has a purpose, and that IF YOU LEARN FROM IT it will change your life for the better. Please find meaning in your suffering. I sincerely wish for you to be in a better place.