Surviving the rollercoaster by getting off two.

[Karma12]

Mom22 you sound so healthy and you are being a great role model for your babies. I was single with my four kids for about 15 yrs. I dated a bit when they were not with me but I didn't want someone else parenting them. I thought life was complicated enough! Lol I at that time kept busy with friends and enjoyed my kids. It is so hard to believe my kids are now all adults! The years really do go so fast.

My first H had anger issues. I never wanted to go back after we split up. I was emotionally done. So don't beat yourself up for knowing when enough is enough. This time around my present ex and I split at a time I was still very emotionally invested. I knew he was going through something but he was not treating me well at all and staying at that time would have been too stressful. I would never accept the same man back either. If there ever was a chance it would only be if he came to me taking responsibility for his part and showing some insight and growth.

At the present time I'm am staying back to protect myself. I had a long convo with my sons GF. They are visiting from the UK. She is just completing her Doctrine in Psychology. She told me he is sending me tons of mixed signals and it's no wonder this has been hard for me. She said he is lucky I have the insight to see what he has been going through. That does not though excuse his behavior or make his not treating me well ok.

He has an online profile on a dating site. He has described himself exactly in the way I used to say he wasn't! Lol He says he's active and balanced. I said to him I'm worried you aren't active and have no balance in your life. It says he balances work, friiends and family. He works all the time and has no life work balance. It caused problems for us when we were together and is causing problems still with SD. He says he's divorced. We are not divorced. Oh and he's motivated to have a great life and share it with someone special. He told me nothing I was doing in the last year of our marriage was working because he wasn't motivated. Lol I was always special and he is still attracted to me because I'm fit and pretty and have great values. But lack of motivation is a feelings killer. He is morphing himself into what I described to him was a healthy life! The only problem is this is not who he is or how he is really living his life. He sees what he should be doing and says that's what he is doing. I know about this because he is not being very smart about leaving things open when SD is around. She is at an age where she is snooping. She is very angry with him. She thinks he is a big fat liar. She wants him to pay attention to her and to stop trying to find new GFs. I know if he was giving her the attention she needs she would not feel this way and be more inclined to want to see him happy.

I am still not filing for divorce and I am just focusing on trying to live the best life I can. I have some sad days now and then like Mozza says on his thread things do get better. Who knows what the future holds....I'm open to whatever comes my way.

Hugs

karma