I could use some help on how to respond to some of W's requests.
I realize I'm supposed to give her the space she is asking for, but I'm not supposed to be an enabler. Like I'm not supposed to be the one to move out and find a new place.
For example, she made up this plan, that we should refinance the house which would lower the payments, and as a part of that she would take her name off the deed/mortgage, so then it is only my house. and as a part of that I would have to give her $cash$ for half of the equity of the house. this would be nearly all the money I have left (after she insisted on splitting our savings into 2 bank accounts a couple weeks ago).
I feel like, why should I be the one to call the mortgage company and ask all these questions and organize a refinance? I don't want any of this to be happening. If I do all that, aren't I enabling it.... But on the other hand, I feel like if I don't go along to some extent, she will just do things her way.
I did speak to a lawyer, and she said it is jumping the gun to refinance now and get her name off the house. she hasn't even filed for divorce yet. She said W should find an apartment and leave everything else the way it is. When we get further down the road we will be discussing how things will get split up and a judge will have to approve our decisions.
I don't even want to tell her I went to a lawyer, though. I think that will start drawing a line between us. I think if we start bickering about this and that my chances of reconciliation go down the tubes.
