toots you are right I am emotionally abusive also. Something I know I HAVE to break the cycle on! That would be a huge 180! No one would want to return exactly why I have to change it. Can you give me some ideas on how to do this calmly and assertively even when he continues pushing the issue? that is it I say it the first few times "we agreed she would not be here while I was living her and the kids were here!" His response its my house I can do what I want" My response we agreed and I am saying NO! and It keeps going in a circle. Yes I must learn anger management it is something I have been working on in IC but obvioulsy am not successful all of the time. I will say it has gotten better. My other problem with fighting is I keep score or say things like I go way out of my way for you and you can't even respect me. Or I didnt get dinner tonight because I gave you all the money (He offered to give some of it back I refused and said I would be oK I could eat at home) Or I will say I do everything I am tired of being the only one watching kids ect. Its unfair fighting. I do want to do this for my R but I more want to do this to have a healthy mental health and other healthy relationships with my children and friends. Anger takes its toll on all relationships. I also need to learn to be assertive. I obviously do not hold my own and always give in. I need to set boundaries. I guess those are things I can start working on and "googling" I will look up STABEN and see what it is. So looks like right now for this week it will be to learn about anger management! Thanks toots!
