Hello

[714Dad]

so saturday I went kayaking. got to launch area around 7:30am and paddled out. I went a different way through the harbor than my W and I used to go. I went all the way out past the jetty to a buoy covered in sea lions. it was interesting. i didn't get as tired as i thought i would, not at all. and I'm only a little sore this morning.

then around 10:20am i realized there was a parent work thing at D3s pre-school. so i raced up there and worked for a little while. i filled in D3s teacher a bit with the situation and talked for a while.

i've been spending most of my time reading the WW vs WAW thread that Sandi started. It's not reassuring to say the least. From what i read there i still think my W is more of a WAW, and I'm wondering if there's a thread or forum just for that? after all i donft want to go the tough love route if it ends up driving her farther away.

obviously i'm still trying to detach, still GALing, and still trying to not let her occupy 100% of my thoughts, but it's hard.

and since i don't do social media outside instagram, i'm not privy to her 'changes' on social media. she's always had a presence because she is a web developer, and her facebook account was for work in her words. but now people have let slip that she'd posting more there and that really irks me. not that it should because she can do what she wants of course.

Comments like, "I have to focus on my career." "our relationship was never healthy." "ILIYBNILWY." "you'll be happier with someone else." "we met too young." "i never got to experience being out on my own." "maybe this is a huge mistake but i need to do this for myself."

are those WW or WAW statements?

she's not at home, it's been a little over a month now that she's been at her parents, so i don't know what else has changed. i don't do and don't want to do social media stuff and keep reading there (makes detaching impossible). there is D6s birthday party on sunday that i already agreed to go to, but other than that we don't see each other at all. and barely talk via text. she only calls if she's upset or something.

it's all very discouraging as many of you know.

i want to know what she's feeling. is she happy finally that i'm not there and she finally feels free? is she suffering or missing me at all? she's seemed upset the times i've seen her and in mediation, but she said at the beginning "i've made my decision and I need to stick with it." meaning that no matter how much it hurts she's going to go through with it? no matter what is does?

it's all so confusing. I finished DR, and there's one hopeful story in the back of it regarding a guy with a D6 and D3 just like me. but again, his wife was still at home.

i'm just really discouraged with now over all this.

and the whole 'for better and for worse' thing is really irritating me too. a woman who went from "we're one person now in the eyes of God" to "i thought when one of us was unhappy we could just leave the marriage." bugs the hell out of me.