Yes, as you say - managing anger sounds like an important area for you. And it would be a 180 if you are able to do this. You say that you are emotionally abused by him, but you are also emotionally abusive towards him.
Your buttons get pushed by him - not taking responsibility for example - and you react angrily - and screaming match ensues.
'I know I handled it angrily BUT I am sick of him pushing my boundaries'
Accept that your anger is your own responsibility. His 'pushing' does not justify your behaviour. You can maintain your boundaries calmly and assertively. There is no need to have a screaming match. You are right about pushing him away. Who would want to return to that?
Some of the things you are learning sound really good. I think the big test for you will be the next time your buttons get pressed. How will you react then? Perhaps some reading on managing anger in the meantime may be helpful, and you can have some simple steps you will take to avoid a screaming match. Google STABEN technique. This might be helpful for you.
And bear in mind, this work isn't just about your H. This is about you, and how you handle frustrations and disappointments in your life. It will serve you well - either with your H, or someone else.
Good luck!! Toots xx
Last edited by Toots; 08/02/1507:47 AM.
T 13 M 7 Me 48 H 46 SS 15 BD 7.14 PA D final 5.16 (H filed)
We receive & we lose, and must try to achieve gratitude & embrace with whole hearts whatever of life that remains after the losses - Dubus
