Separated from spouse for 16 weeks. D paperwork on the way. Reading DR. Suspect EA due to odd talks and phone password changed. Curious of who favors it being ok to ask vs terrible idea. advise. My thinking is this.. If it is I would bow down to a divorce locking in on gal .. If not, gives me motivation to try til the day of the D. It causes stress wondering.
Interested in what those in this forum thoughts are. Yes / No with explanation
Hi. Sorry this is happening to you. Re your question , do you honestly think she would tell you the truth ? Why does it matter ? I ask that because of course it MATTERS but how will it change your Ws view of wanting a divorce ?
If she is then she is and wants a divorce
If she isn't then she still wants a divorce
Please understand I know why you need to know but it doesn't change what's happening
This is the hard part , your W doesnt want your M. Maybe for ever and maybe not Focus on you and what you can do to impo rove you and your life
Glove - Heres my opinion and take it for what it's worth.
My belief is that your W could be sleeping with everyone at the local fire station and it doesn't really make a difference to you right now. She doesn't want to be married, so in her mind, she's already single. For her now, it's not an EA, it's the start of her next relationship.
Now, if the time comes when she is considering reconciling, THAT is the time when what she is doing now matters.
Don't do anything. NOTHING. Read every link in cadet's welcome email, particularly the WW vs WAW links. Read other people's sitch's. Stay distant from WAS.
Maybe if you spend 1-2 hours on this board daily, in a week or two you'll have some ideas on how to handle yourself. Anything you do without 10-20 hours of study first will likely be a disaster.
Is your M worth that preparation and effort?
Just my 2 cents...
Me:38 XW:38 T:11 years M:8 years Kids: S14, D11, D7 BD/Move out day: 6/17/14, D final Dec 15
Applying lrt for 10 days. Contact is minimal (we exchange kids and calls / texts) I have noticed she is softening slightly. Will ask me how I am.. Phone calls last longer. I have made a point of initiating the end of all talks.
Hope has gone up. But then I started to wonder this.. How do you tell softening toward me vs. she is just further settling into and content with her life without me?
Papers have been filed and I am on a timeline. Should a person utilize lrt up until divorce papers are signed? At some point it seems like you have to go for it??
I guess telling her that you believe this is a mistake, you love her, you want to protect the kids from the hurt of a divorce and willing to do whatever it takes to make it work. I am talking the day before or day of final papers getting signed.. I guess if we are at that point I know what the answer would be.
I guess telling her that you believe this is a mistake, you love her, you want to protect the kids from the hurt of a divorce and willing to do whatever it takes to make it work. I am talking the day before or day of final papers getting signed.. I guess if we are at that point I know what the answer would be.
i assume you've said all this before. I don't see any benefit of saying it again at the last second.
But, why do you think the day you get divorced is a critical day? It doesn't matter much in your long term R with your W.
Isn't the perception of a divorce as its final... I believe if my wife clears that hurdle and goes through all of the pain of getting there it's over. Doesn't the percentages increase with DBing is you do it prior to the papers?
