Continuing Limbo

[PeterV2]

I spoke with her today, saying it's time we start looking at fixing this marriage. She said she just had a busy few months concentrating on her daughter's wedding and now she need some time to decompress. Here brother and mum are coming to visit soon and she wants to have that time with them without me pressuring her.

She claims the affair is long over. She feels like I'm smothering her. She tells me how hurt she is that I go on porn sites (I still do). She wants to have her friends and her life back. She still digs up the past and I can't change the past. I say we need to move on, but she says there's too much damage from my past.

Maybe, Wonka, you're right and I should move out. But she has no job except the RH which we probably can sell in a month or two. But then there's no telling how she'll deal with the financial ramifications of that. So if I go now do I keep paying all the bills and mortgage at our matrimonial home? I don't want to lose it. I just spent a whack of money putting on a new patio for the wedding. Besides my whole business in in the house: warehouse, office and shipping room.

She did say she's not going anywhere, which I take as she still wants to keep me in her life.

I did a favour for the neighbor and now W thinks I've got the hots for her. Almost like a bit of jealousy. She's a nice lady, but I am not interested. I'm just trying to be neighborly. I'm becoming good friends with her and her husband. So is my wife. We get together more frequently nowadays.

W says I'm a loner but she has lots and lots of friends which she feels like she forsook when we married. I had lots of friends too but I had to forsake them all as they were also friends of my ex-wife and I needed to distance myself from those relationships to prove I was moving on from that era in my life.

Now that I've moved away from my former hometown to my W's hometown I'm needing to make new friends here, but I've been so busy over the past 5 years that my social life was put aside. So now W says I'm a loner. That I'm awkward in social situations. I don't think so at all. I was just recently the MC at our daughter's wedding and everyone commented on how well I did.

She also doesn't like my stage presence when I'm performing. She used to like it. But now she thinks it's fake and over the top. And that I'm just trying to grab attention. I do get into my performances and I'm not going to change how I enjoy those.

I think if I move out, I'll have to make it a permanent thing, otherwise it'll just look contrived. I don't want to leave my house though. I just got myself a king size bed for the spare room. Maybe once my in-laws are gone things will change. Yeah - I hear you yawning.

We do spend a lot of time together. She cooks for me. We talk a lot about everything except the R.