Great stuff here, Sandi... love the alka seltzer analogy. It's been just about three months since BD for me, and it's only the past couple of weeks that I've been able to shift towards embracing this focus on myself, and come to accept fully (with my heart as well as my head) that the old relationship is dead. Her coldness, her resolute insistence that we are done, her claims that I wasn't the right one for her - I was surprised last night at my detachment from these comments, comments that used to hurt so much. I looked at her yesterday and DID NOT want her, or to be with her. Her self-absorption repulses me. By seeing her this way, it helped me grasp her point of view, and it underscored the need for us both to change - first, for us each to be better people, and also if there is to be any hope for R down the road. I will NOT be plan B.
Only three months in - as you say, an affair will usually last quite a bit longer, and I suppose especially if she's moved out and perceives the OW as her new partner. 6 months? 9? Years? It takes a lot of patience and perseverance. But if our love is really love - tough love, selfless love, sacrificial love - we can do it. If we want to.
Me: 46 Her: 41 M: 5.5 yrs / S: 20, 18 3/26 W and I meet OW BD: 5/2/2015, she takes off ring W goes to stay with OW 6/26 NC: 9/5 Both moved out: 10/16 I take off my ring and feel... healed: 10/19
