H says OW is his business

[Train]

Pulling some of this over from your other thread:

He was snippy about something I should have taken care of while he was away. I asked him if that was going to be his attitude towards me now.
Why would you even ask this? Just expect that he's going to be snippy with you. Why? Because he is cheating on you. He has no respect for you right now. (And you aren't demanding any.) The confident Nt wouldn't have asked H if that was going to be his attitude toward her from now on. That's giving him power over you. Who CARES how he's going to act around you? His mood doesn't have to control you! And here's another plug for GAL: If you don't give him the opportunity to be around you, you won't notice his crappy attitude! The confident Nt would have noticed his pouty, whiny, childish attitude and IGNORED it. She would have shrugged it off, not even mentioned it, and continued her day with a smile on her face - yes, even though you would have had to FAKE it in front of him.

And the bada$s Nt wouldn't have picked his cheating butt up at the airport *in the first place*.

-I told him I wouldn't talk with her anymore about us and that it was a mistake.
-I told him I understand why he'd be angry about me going into his email that it was a huge violation and that I'd be angry too.
First, why did you engage in this conversation when the no. 1 rule of DB is no R talks? Second, why the he!l would you apologize for speaking to his mom and for looking in his e-mails? If he were being faithful, honest and transparent, you wouldn't feel that you HAD to search for information. He is your HUSBAND, and he is cheating on you. And YOU are the one apologizing?? Bassackwards, Nt. Bassackwards.

He then said that his relationship with the OW was nobody else's business but his. Had to bite my tongue on that one.
Bite your tongue? THIS, as T0 said, was the PERFECT door-opening for you to give him your "speech" about not living in an open M. Remember when I told you he would open the door for you to state your boundaries in a natural way? You guys weren't even home from the airport, and he had already flung it wide open for you.

But I also agree with T0: You're clearly not ready to take a hard stance to save your M. So until you are, I wouldn't state ANY boundaries. If you aren't willing to put teeth in them, it'll actually HURT more than it would HELP to tell your H that you aren't willing to live in an open M. You proved through your actions today, once again, that you ARE willing to live in an open M ... and you're even willing to pick him up from the airport after his roll in the hay or five with OW ... and then *apologize to him (!!!)* for doing what you felt you needed to do to find out what you're up against and to save your M, when he's flat-out telling you that his relationship with OW is none of your business. Wow!

He was listening intently to what I was saying and dare I say with affection in his eyes.
Oh, Nt. He's sleeping with another woman. He's telling you that his R with her is none of your business. And you REALLY think he was listening to you intently and looking at you affectionately?

Please open your eyes. Because that is the ONLY way you're going to be able to get through the weeks and months and - possibly - years ahead. You cannot save your M - and you cannot begin to save yourself - with these kinds of blinders on.

This stuff so confusing!
It's really not, actually. Start researching. Read books on infidelity. Look up articles online. What your H is doing is textbook. All the information is out there; it will help you feel your situation is more "normal" than you think it is right now. And most of the literature out there is going to mostly agree on the methods a LBS can use to best combat his/her spouse having an A.

For convenience, I've given you the brief, summarized version in every post I've written to you thus far.

And as for the talk with your children, I would urge you to stay calm ... and quiet ... while your H talks to them. And then calmly tell your children that you will openly and honestly try to answer any and all questions they have. At least ONE of you needs to be an example. And if it were me, I would tell them the truth. And it WAS me once. And I *did* tell my kids the truth when they asked. It's a debated point on these boards. But if I had it to do all over again (and, thank God, I don't plan to EVER do it again), I'd do it the same way.

Good luck.