Oh, and when I said things like, "I can hear how frustrated you are" and stuff like that she just yelled, "stop telling me what i'm feeling, you don't control me!
just wanted to add that. i'd appreciate any simple gems for validating feelings that have worked for others.
thanks.
Yeah .. she is angry, you did not tell her how she was feeling. Rather than "I can hear how frustrated you are" Opt for "I'm sorry you feel that way" or " That must be very frustrating" ... you can even repeat back what they said as a question, someone here a while back suggested that and it really opens a door for them to share more ... consider it Intel Recon.
My W after a bit became irritated with my "I am sorry you feel that way" line so I switched it slightly. Wonka has that validation cheat sheet and there are several options ... read up on them as you have to pull that stuff out on the fly and its tricky when you are just starting out.
Remember ... Feelings are feelings, they are not right or wrong, who she feels is just that. Just knowing that made me realize it was her and HER feelings ... helped me detach from them a bit.
