Hello

[CaliGuy]

Thank you Cali.

I feel very superficial in things. like maybe all these attempts are fake.

Do you just push through those thoughts? GALing = i'm going to take my kayak down to the back bay tomorrow and paddle it for the first time since before my first daughter was born. i might go out past the jetty even.

Yeah .. its all you can do. Sometimes give yourself a set time .. 5-10 minutes to think about it .. set the alarm on your phone .. when it goes off .. you stop and do something ... some people think of a STOP sign .. that never worked for me, I found a set time to think then move on.

anyway i use instagram and i don't look at anything else for fear of seeing stuff my W is doing. so is my posting there, of me making the girls pancakes, cooking dinner - it's all the stuff i already used to do. i'm just thinking i'm being more spontaneous with it.

so it's not for me truly and i'm hoping she's seeing it. as mentioned before she said it looks like i'm happier than i've ever been. that just cuts so deep.

If its NOT FOR YOU ... do not do it. Hoping she sees it ... expectations ... stay out of that sandbox.

As far as her saying you look happier .. well, here is the deal, it might hurt but this is not your choice, you are doing the best you can under the circumstances and she is simply using that to justify her actions.

should i comment on her posts with positives? like, "so good to see you with old friends" (even though seeing that makes me take a lorazapam and drink a beer at 3pm).

Nope ... Clint Eastwood would not do that .. he would slam a shot and go about his day. I think people do not understand commenting and 'liking' posts ... its pursuing. Don't do it.

going dark seems impossible with two small children. it also seems like she really wont notice me anyway because her dad and mom are there to help with things. she wont miss me running to cvs at 11:30pm because her dad will, etc. or sitting up and singing to and rocking a feverish baby, because her dad will.

I agree ... dark with kids... is impossible. Go dim. Only be available when its about the kids, it takes time. Be the best Dad you can be .. from what I can tell you are right on point there, You are the only father they will know, and being a damn good one is attractive not just to her but to others .. keep playing that record.
As far as her having 'Papa' to go to CVS ... its not tthe Errand-Boy she is going to miss ... sure she is home where mommy and daddy can console her, but guess what? Living with parents at this age ... no thanks. Its not what she wanted, the longer she is there she will remember why she left.

i know i can get other women, a big problem that my wife felt betrayed by was a 21 year old coming on to me when i went back to CSUF to get a BA (I was 32 or 33). I also had someone once leave a note on my bike telling me i was handsome and leaving a phone number. i thought it was funny and told my W, she said
"it must be a joke from one of your students" which made me feel crappy. she didn't mean it like that but it came across.

and all i've done for the past year is tell her how amazing she looks, but my criticizing her feet once in 1999 or something is still brought up. she just cannot forgive me. all of these things that she said were gone have come crashing back in and smothered me.

she says she feels like she spent out entire relationship trying to reassure me that i looked good or attractive. i didn't need compliments, i just cant deal with them well.

LMAO ... I always told my W her feet were ugly ... she is gorgeous but I felt the need to bring her down to earth and that was the one thing I could find .... she is STILL bugged by that comment I made what ... 20 years ago.
I had similar .. I DJ'd 3 nights a week, and yeah ... drunk chicks dig the DJ and I had plenty TM me, FB me ... all that. It was an issue I did not give enough attention to and made my W feel less that ... learn from that. But right now .... there is no fixing those issues in the old M till your W commits to working on a new one with you.
Might be a time you validate, admit your part in the old M ... but thats R talk .. 1st Rule of fight club is there is no fight club ... 2nd rule ... well you know it .. 3rd rule we do not bring up R talk.

anyway, the point being, i could find someone new, but i dont want someone new. i want that big scar on her thigh, i want her hands, i want that cesarean scar where D6 came out, i want her legs, feet, hips, shoulders... i just want everything about her. so maybe it is all physical.

i need to go load my kayak.

thank you everyone for the help.

I was the same .. and it is tough not wanting what we can not have isnt it? See that? Thats part of this ... your W has to start wanting what she can not have, she must begin to chase you .... but for her to do that she has to respect you first ... alot of WW and WAW lost respect for the LBH, most likely because he lost himself.

Even now, my W and I are working on things ... out of nowhere this morning I got a taste of the old W, the old M .. I quickly put a stop to that, stated a boundary that I placed long ago ... W was shocked .. used the spew as a defense tactic so I left. I later got a full apology and she admitted she did not know where it came from. I can tell you ... she is respecting that I have become more of a man around the house, standing up for myself even with small things.

Start earning that lost respect back ... to do this you have to rediscover 714Dad ... you do this by grabbing that kayak and rowing the crap out of it ... get out there and enjoy the day.