I know train has given you a ton of great advice but until you have to be in a place where you're ready to follow it and I don't think you're there yet. I'm not trying to be rude but your husband isn't going to just wake up. I thought the same way in the beginning but it's not going to happen. The only way you are going to peak his interest is by doing a 180 and showing him you are moving on with your life. He is not thinking logically and his behavior will probably get worse.
Stop asking him about OW and stop tolerating him talking about her. This should be a boundary if you don't want an open marriage. You can put your hand in the air and say H I will not be disrespected by you speaking about another woman during our marriage or something along those lines.
Train gave me that advice and the first time my H said something that was clearly a lie I put my hand up and said we both know that's not true I won't be lied to and disrespected and got in my car and left. He never did it again.
Let OW meet all his needs. Then when you're around him you be the light cheery happy woman he fell in love with. OW will show her true colors eventually. It won't be all roses and sunshine forever
