Depression - boy do I know that feeling, I have questioned "whats the point" on many occasions. You are not alone Gwen and it's an understandable place to be in, however please please promise me that if you feel this way for more than a few days then you will drag yourself to your Dr, its a slope you need to be aware of sliding down and one that is so easy to find yourself on. Gwen, you have been through a lot, ask for and accept help if you need it.
I think this process goes around and around, we think we are getting somewhere and then a setback puts us backwards, but you know something, we don't go back to the beginning, so each time we go a little further forward. You may not be able to see it, but I can see how far you have come, you are so much stronger than you believe yourself to be - its that horrible word ....time.
I think you are expecting far to much of yourself; this is not the "norm" breakup, you did not grow apart, you did not fight all the time, you did not lose interest, this was a complete shock - you are not only grieving for your marriage and the future you saw yourself having, you are also having an identity crisis, having to find out who you are outside the role you used to play. Its HUGE Gwen, don't downplay the enormity of what you going through, don't expect so much of yourself.
It is said that the average everyday breakup takes 2-5 yrs to get over - what is average about what we are going through ?? It really is early days Gwen, you are doing really well, it will come, that clarity you so want will come.
I find having something to look forward to helps and having a goal to reach, it gives me something to focus on. Remove your thoughts from your head by giving it something else to occupy the space. I find watching a TV series help me zone out and give my headspace a break.
If you are really struggling with being able to pep yourself up then how about thinking about seeing a c or a life coach, it may be that you just need a little outside support and understanding from a neutral person.
I feel so sad you are having to go through this Gwen, you don't deserve it, none of us do.
