Anxiously waiting for it to fall apart

[dejavu2]

NAP and HaWho - Thanks so much for stopping by.
I have appreciated this group so much as I have been given some great advice as well as found some great reading recommendations. It is teaching me how to regain control and focus of my life. Thanks to all who contribute their stories and to all the emotionally insightful responses.

I am enjoying the my new emotional freedoms without H in the house. It is very emotionally uplifting to not have the chaos and negativity constantly in my day. I no longer have a daily sense of uncertainty. My sense of anxiety regarding the situation has decreased. Even my resting heat rate has gone down by 10bpm.

I am being shown true examples of love and acceptance by many. I had forgotten what those felt like. I am learning to breath and live again.

This may be a lull before the divorce process chaos erupts, but I am enjoying this new peace in my life.

I realise conversations with H have turned into "status update" meetings. He asks for updates, acknowledges them and that's it - just the facts. Even my daughters say that he doesn't talk to them, he just asks about their day.

I have agreed to bring the girls back to the USA for a family holiday at the end of August where I will meet up with son and H will join us. This has been arranged by the family my son is staying with. I think it will be good for the children to spend time with their dad. I am not looking forward to playing "family", however perhaps this will give us a chance to communicate again. As getting thru the D will be much easier/cheaper if we can communicate. Basically I will go for the week, play nicely and try to stay away from tricky conversations. I am not expecting to reconcile as he is so emotionally void right now. I will be returning home with the children and H is planning on staying in the US. I hope I have found enough inner strength and self-worth that I no longer want to leap at the crumbs of his affections/attention.

I am continuing to train for the half-marathon in September and the scale is sloooowly going down. Going to make a big push on cleaning up my eating for next 3 weeks (before we go to USA). It feels empowering to be healthier, stronger and smaller!