LBS trying to get it right

[25yearsmlc]

Hi Ghost,

I've been busy with things in RL and could not post here as often, but wanted to check in on your situation.

I'm going to give you a post about GAL later. But for now, have to say that is the single biggest most important thing YOU CAN DO to really detach.

You must GAL to Detach....

(I don't believe you Can detach without GAL.)


GAL + PMA + Time = Detachment and sometimes, contentment.

Hi I realise this marriage is over it has been extremely hard for me to come to terms with this and I still cannot quite believe there is nothing I can do right now to try to turn things around.

The issue you are struggling with is misdirected. You THINK that if you fix You, then she will come back. Almost like an equation

but I'm telling you 2 things you are slipping past...

1) work on You FOR YOU. TO become the best You that you can be and that always always means your life is better. It's always worth it.

2) When you make the changes that are needed, (for you to really self actualize)

then you are going to have to turn all this over to the Universe -

(or God or "the Big Guy" or whatever you call the "Source of all", ETC) but let it go

Turn it over, hold your head high and go in peace.

Because then and only then, will you have done all you can do...and thus, must let the rest go and make the best of the remaining years on earth.

Paradoxically, once you have let her go and put your focus on YOUR LIFE and YOUR YEARS HERE...it may awaken her.

It may not. But imo, the best chance of getting her back and working on the r, is when you let go of it to work on You

and stop "Fixing" her, which has never worked and has been a destructive force in your m.

If she does not awaken and want to reconcile, then so be it.

You will still be so much better off than if you continue to spin your wheels in misery and radiate your neediness to your w AND kids.

Also, the "father time" -- first, do your absolute best. Are you?

I can't tell if this is all new to you or if you are doing fine. But it will bring you comfort and lessen your loneliness. 4 kids?! What a blast!

However, I'm not crazy about the constant feedback from your w, about how you parent.

At some point, you will need to tell her that while you know she truly means well --really = you want to work this out yourself, getting to know each child, problem solving together, exploring and playing cultivating a one on one with each,

(which your wife is NOT a part of & would not have been part of inside the m either. This is Your Territory)

and thus, you are "not inviting comment"..

besides... is becoming the best DAD you can become, something she's an expert in?

OR Do you need her feedback for now? If so, can you explain why?



So what are my next steps ??

see ^^ and below

GAL + PMA + TIME...= a Happier ------DETACHED Ghost...

We are living together and will continue to do something whilst we are getting along. We have four children 2 years old 12year old 14 year old and 17 year old

What should I be doing over the coming months to to try to build on a new relationship with W is there anything ?

STOP making the R with her your focus! Your focus is NOT HER LIFE or a Relationship with her. Your focus is YOUR LIFE...

YOU MUST SEE THIS^^^^...


She tells me that she is not attracted to me anymore and that it was going over the last few years


We do get along with each other I am just not sure that I can manage to adjust our relationship from married to friends ...tho I realise right now I do not have any say in it

Is it harder or easier to D'bust when living together

Is it even possible for an attraction to be formed again ?

I would be greatful for any advice ....I do not want to move on sell the house and split up our family if we do this then I will see even less of my children so will she and I am thinking if I am lonley now it will be much more lonley in seperate houses

Many thanks

Gary