MLC Funhouse continues

[mleigh4]

I believe I had a crisis prior to my H. For a couple of years, I was very withdrawn from him. It is a bit foggy, but I remember that I could not stand him. I didn't want to come home after work, I only did for my son. I would look at H and feel nothing but repulsed. If he touched me, I cringed. I would purposely avoid being alone with him. I would lay down with my son to help him sleep and wait for H to be asleep before going to bed. When we did make love, it was routine and boring for me. He did NOTHING right.


I started a daily exercise course alone obsessed with how I looked and started getting my nails done (totally not me) My H told me he thought I was having an affair. I wasn't at all, not even close, I just wasn't happy and blamed it on him.

My H has told me things I said, including that I wanted a divorce, and I honestly don't remember these things. He went as far as telling his parents. How could I not remember this?? It's crazy.

Then I started realizing that my life was pretty good. I had a faithful caring husband, not perfect, but a good guy. So I started coming back, but it was too late.

H told me on BD that he had been neglected for too long, that he lost all feelings for me. And here we are. I believe it was some kind of crisis because I am still standing, because when he explains how he feels I really get it, because I look at him and feel warmth and love. I feel an amazing amount of patience for him because he stood by me for a long time and I have been there. We have talked about this and have a mutual understanding that it is not on purpose, it just overcomes you.

It's hard not to blame myself sometimes, if only I knew then what I know now! I felt the way I did, but I made my way out of it a better person and happier than I have been in years. I hope the same for my H, whether we stay married or not.