Hi DBB, I can see by your post your having a hard time...When will I let go? Six months into this I'm still asking myself the same question. H ended up taking my car....and I once again lent him money. Everyone has told me that this was a stupid thing to do but I really think it was the only thing I could do for myself. He's gone for over a week and I think it is the only way I may be able to save my sanity and maybe truly detach from this whole thing. I gave him the completed D papers on Wednesday, now it is up to him to finish them and file. I dropped off my car and the money...we talked about R a little, he just got irritable, said he was trying to do the right thing for everybody. I told him this vaca. may be a good time to be away from everbody and everything especially me...give him time to truly think. I feel he is already decided and is just going through the motions of doing the "right thing". He called late to apologize for his attitude earlier...talked for a short time, I told him to have a good time. My dog woke me at 6:30am (on a Sat.)H was standing there, he wanted to drop off my P.O. key, last night told him it was no big deal (he was glad because he didn't want to stop by so early (wanted to get early start)he asked to borrow a towel, hugged me said he would see me when he got home.???? Alien's can never figure them out and I'm burning myself out trying. My hope is I can go through this week and detach completley, so when he gets back I can be in a place where I can just not care about anything concerning H or OW anymore. At first my hope was that H would go on this trip and come to his senses but I know that is an expectation....I can't have those anymore. Like you I'm tired of being sad, hurt and broken hearted everytime I see him. I've been so emotional it's starting to effect my health..very large ulcer developing...one of the reasons that I haven't been eating well. It's time for my merri-go-round to stop because no matter what happens I have to take care of myself, my kids and my home w/ or w/out him. All the advice you've gotten on your post have been great, you need to hang in there, take care of yourself...what will be will be but in the meantime you always have a place to go and talk about it. Good advice! Now if I could just follow it, I'd be better off too. Try to have a good day, write later. Take Care, stacie