Thanks Jedi. Detachment is going very well. It is like a huge weight off my shoulders. Although the detachment "with love" part is not quite there, I am doing a little more avoidance than I probably should, but honestly I am busy with GAL and having fun. Going out a lot, and then when I am home I am really engaging with my children on a much deeper level and sustained level than I have in a while. I was always able- even on the darkest days- to plug into them for a few minutes at a time, but now I can give them an hour or longer attention, play a game, be silly, play at the pool, etc, and really just be with them without getting distracted by "what is H doing", checking my phone, etc. Going out with my friends more than I ever have in my life (and talking less and less about my problems ), taking singing lessons, going for walks, just keeping busy and actually enjoying it.
H seems to be noticing and checking in a little more, but very little. Last night he actually said "I feel like I don't know you anymore, you are a different person." I said "same person, just handling life in a healthier way." I am not doing it for him. It is amazing what one drunken night filled with extremely stupid comments did for my perspective. He needs to work this out - he is seriously messed up and it is NOT me, its him. I hope he figures it out.
