Quote: but how much do I listen too? How much of myself am I supposed to give? and why aren't I a little bit happy about this big step? I don't get it.
Stacie,
Wow. There are a lot of things going on here.
One, you do not believe so much of what he has said in the past; deep down you really don't believe what you are hearing.
Two, you have been hurt for so long and have accepted your fate and learned to protect yourself, you do not want to take the chance he is sincere, then have everything collapse out from under you again. You would rather be alone and sad for awhile, than go through the terrible soul-tearing, gut-wrenching heartache.
Three, you do not have to give anything right now. Right now, all he wants is for YOU to listen. Remember, he choose to come to you. He has fought this for so long, it likely is a relief and the odds are he may not remember exactly what he says; he just needs to say it to clear his thoughts. Just listen, because somewhere in there he is TRYING to tell you something. Something he may not be clear on, but something he feels he needs to say.
And don't push or ask too many questions. If there is something you are confused about, ask? But do not overwork the problem and though the tendency will be great (I am guilty) do not disagree with him, even on trivial matters. A lot of what he is saying is not relevant; that is why it is so important to listen, but he believes he has to say it.
This is huge. After some time to process the information and when you feel comfortable, meet again in a neutral place and express your concerns. And gauge his thinking then?
Wow, I'm very pragmatic, aren't I. As my M has derailed and I have no idea how to get it back on track. I guess time is an ally.
