My story - W was with OW

[Shuley]

Posted my story a few days ago. I'm so lost and confused. I feel like I don't fit into any "category" here. My W had an affair with another woman, but has admitted it was a huge mistake and does not want to go back to her. I'm not sure I believe her, but this OW has nothing going for her. My W knows this - everyone does. I do, apprehensively, believe that is over. She's just not sure about her feelings for me, but then says she loves me. She's not quite a WAW or a WW. She says she wants to work on things.

So, I don't know if 180 techniques are the right move. They seem to drive her further away. I have been GAL for 1+ years now - long before any of this happened. I've gotten fit, been spending more time with friends, been more independent. but i cannot help myself by talking to her and expressing my feelings. I still let her do the first text, email, reach out MOST of the time. she still wants to hug, hold hands, be affectionate. But I just sent her a very heartfelt email about why I think we have gone astray.

I don't feel detaching is the best thing if she says she wants to work on things. I know not to pressure her, but how can I say I want to work on things and then ignore her? We are "separated" but in the same house - diff rooms. It's not ideal but for financial reasons we cannot afford another place (live in the Bay Area - most expensive city in the US). We don't really have friends that could put someone up for more than a few nights. Neither of us have filed.

Together 22 years, Married 17, 1 child 13YO boy. She is the person I want to spend the rest of my life with. She says the same of my but also "love you but not in love with you". but I felt that way years ago and came back. I know many couples that have.