Jim0987 #14 - due for another upgrade soon

[jim0987]

Hi RD,

Thanks for asking. And thank you to everyone for the input and support.

Your spot on though, with reflection i would do so many things differently. I'd also give my 31 year old self a good kicking.

I let my better judgement (AKA you good people) decide, and so didn't send anything. I still feel like I should apologise because she was right (if not understanding) but its very difficult for me to unpick the emotions of it.

It would have been obvious that I was upset, and I know that's why I wasn't as positive as I should have been and also why I allowed myself to get sucked into a disagreement and also why I drifted in topic to some of the issues that were upsetting me.

Given what I know she said in the past (albeit several months ago now) she may well have interpreted my upset as me trying to make her feel bad, so it possible didn't matter what I said.

An apology might be appropriate but it wouldn't really change anything. Its more important that I remember for all the future times and part of that may be having more of a fall back, go to answer ready.

Something like:
I understand this is important to you and I'm happy to talk about it but I would prefer to do it at another time when I'm not as upset as I am now. I think that's more likely to be constructive. Feel free to ring me after........

Its been a bit of an emotional couple of weeks for me and i'm not really sure why. I think its the more OM1 is involved with the kids and more positive changes I see in my XW (doing all the things I'd practically begged her to do when we were together) the more acutely I'm feeling the loss. I guess its just another stage of grief as I let go and accept what has gone a little bit more. (although this morning I woke up and rolled over expecting my XW to be there even though she hasn't been for nearly 11 months)

S2 is doing OK with it all but he has never really known any different after all he wasn't even 18 months old at BD. D4 gets upset most days but not for very long, usually asking to see mummy but sometimes because she doesn't want to leave me. Either way I make sure they know they are loved and I hope that I'm doing the right things to make the best of this that I can for them.

Struggling a bit with social GAL for the weekend without the kids but I have a couple of household projects lined up instead, one of which I'm really excited to get cracking on.