MLC Funhouse continues

[HaWho]

Had face to face conversation w/H. Discussed what I needed from him in R. He says he agrees to my terms/needs.

Conversation was different from any past R talks we have ever had. There was a maturity/calmness to it that I think we always lacked. Neither one of us dredged up past issues for the sake of making our own cases/scoring points. Unlike past R talks we did not go around in circles. Instead, the discussion centered on what we each need for the future.

I am still trying to make sense of a lot of what happened to me. H says that what he went through was very painful. In discussing the last few months post BD, he indicated he just wanted to be alone all the time. He indicated he tried to be out of the house all the time because being home was a constant reminder that there was really nothing for which to be home. It reminded him of my withdrawal and the house was cold.

When I started cooking, baking, playing music and coming "alive" again, H slowly started to return home. As these changes in me became real, he stayed home more often. At first, he was home but with his door always closed. But slowly, he sometimes left it open. I never went to him during this period unless absolutely necessary. One thing that surprised me was that although H asked for time and space, he said it hurt him that I never once came to his room during the night. I validated this but also reminded him that he told me, adamantly, to leave him alone. He apologized and said he forgot this.

Like me, there is much he does not remember. Some things he remembers saying but others he denied. I don't think he was lying, I think he really can't remember.

Had I not gone through something myself, I think I would have more distrust right now. But because we somehow overlapped I think there is a certain mutual compassion between us.

If anyone knows of any accounts of one spouse following another into MLC, please let me know. I would like to read those.