DBB, Well I read detachment, thank you. Today I did something that was pretty hard but in the same respect I felt like a ton was lifted off my shoulders...I went to the County Courthouse and picked up the divorce packet. I won't take on the responsibility of filing but I will fill out the forms and write out the final stipulation, I will hand it over to H and were it goes from there is up to him. I have been through all I can take, the not knowing, the questioning everything said and every action taken. I'm tired. The questions you had last night- Why are we putting ourselves through this pain? I know the answer is because we love our spouses, what we had and our marriages...but what about loving ourselves, respecting ourselves. After reading detachment I know the only way for me to detach is to let go of everything..the pain, the wondering..the waiting for the other shoe to drop. Would that truly go away if he came back...wouldn't I always wait, wonder about the next time. I know he is far from being done with his MLC and I don't know if that will ever be over. Maybe I just need to accept that he is truly happy living his life without me and take stock that we had twenty years together, be happy with that and move on. I have been on the verge of tears every other day now but I can't manage to cry anymore...maybe this is truly a sign of acceptance. I'm sorry if my post brings you down, but I'd like to hear your thoughts...Take Care, stacie
