hold on! - 11

[u-turn]

Hi V.
It always seems to me that W's views are a complete short cycle. What I mean - she seems to think that I am reacting to immediate events only. She MAY think, "U-turn, what happened this morning that makes you want a D?" she has reacted this way in the past.

A while ago, back in time when I wanted to have discussions about our situation, she would react with this, a)what happened recently that makes you want to have this discussion, b)I was nice to you to make past events go away but it is never enough for you, c)you keep dragging up old crap.

My response to this NOW would be: a)this is not a reaction to a specific single event, it is an accumulation and nothing has ever been addressed. b)nice does not work for me to void the issues, c)the old crap has not gone away and new crap keeps getting shoveled onto the pile (and spraying nice perfume on it doesn't make it any less of a pile of crap).

I really think that she will be shocked by being served. I believe that she actually think she has changed the situation by being nice and quiet (for two weeks = enough time to smooth things out and forget about everything). And I have been trying to talk a little more to her, which just reinforces this for her. (this bothers me).

I do hope this moves me to a better place - a place where I can just be, just me and the kids (when they are with me). A place where I am not tormented by this. BUT I also hope that I can move forward as a person that can accept love from someone. I probably hope to be with a person that will love me as I thought I was loved before. (I don't mean to be pessimistic, but I don't have a lot of faith that will be with a new version of WW - maybe that is something that I want, but she has so far to go. I have seen this WW version (which I think she still likes and her support group accepts, encourages, and fuels) for so long now that I don't see her coming out of it - it's her power and control that she is thriving on.

Thank you V!!