Laughter is primary, a release, just as valid as tears. Your feelings are your feelings, laughter tears, anger, contempt and just sheer naughtiness.
You are allowed your feelings, to own them, to state you have them and how it affects you. Belly laugh away, if that's authentic for you, them it's valid. We do have thread parties here too, with fun, i personally like Liam, cheese, Mooooose (I am saving that!) and vino, it's a preference. I absolutely Internet guarantee you that if anyone is offended that's their issue, not yours. You laugh away and make your sides hurt with it and then post it, we will laugh with you.
I am glad being here joining in is releasing for you, in due course you will no longer be the newbie and will post to others and support them (I am sure of it) and that too develops our inner selves. this is a journey and we might as well take it willingly.
Nick is yours, it's a deal.
Cake eating comes from the expression you can't have your cake and eat it too. It's popular way of describing when a WS wants to have an OP and an S so by pulling away his cake your WH has only one source of cake, if he wants another he cheats on OW. Negative consequences.
At some stage can we discuss this control issue, it troubles me. I am glad about the L advice.
Peace tonight
V
Last edited by Vanilla; 07/29/1506:46 PM.
Freedom is just another word for nothing left to loose. V 64, WAW
Cake-eating. Take away his cake he looks for another source and negative consequences. Would you explain that some.
I know for 100% fact he is cheating on her. But she has stated over and over the past year she trusts him completely, yet does not like him coming here because she doesn't trust me. WTF?/
Me 44 H 46 3 DD 22, 18, 15 1 DS 2.5 M 10/1992 BD1 2/2014 BD 2 7/19/2014 Moved in with OW 7/20/2014
Hi little. I think its more about how your H gets the best of both worlds, thus he has his cake and eats it too.
But if he has to rely on OW for his emotional needs, for the things he gets from you in the M, then that's a lot more pressure than the OW just being a fun distraction. That leads to the A running its course and imploding. How can a new OW replace the emotional ties of a S. They just can't.
M 39 W 36 T5 M3 BD - 1/15 Separated - Same Day Served 9/15 D finalized 6/17
It doesn't matter which is which and in essence cake eaters need a second resource.
There isn't any way you can fulfil OWs role, if you try you will just create a vacancy.
If you google triangulation then you might get some insight. I will put a post as a starter for 10 on it in the abuse thread but it might not be until Sunday as it takes some time.
V
Freedom is just another word for nothing left to loose. V 64, WAW
Use the quick quote or quote button at the bottom of each post. You get the whole of the post so you may need to delete some of it. The quoted stuff is in square Brackets with the word quote inside. The / marks the end of the quote.
Here is what I do
I have a second version open in my internet browser and cut and paste between posts. If it's a long post I compose off line and then copy and paste into the posting form. I always use the full post version. Especially if a thread is locked as it's more than 100 posts. To make life easy create a new thread before the existing one locks.
V
Last edited by Vanilla; 07/30/1501:17 PM.
Freedom is just another word for nothing left to loose. V 64, WAW
All I can say is Wow. I have only read it once but have it bookmarked on my phone so that I can continue to read it along with my other daily reads. I have many thoughts and questions regarding it but I am going to hold off until I have read it several times to make sure I understand it. I really don't want to sound stupid.
You have become my beacon light. And for that I so thank you.
Me 44 H 46 3 DD 22, 18, 15 1 DS 2.5 M 10/1992 BD1 2/2014 BD 2 7/19/2014 Moved in with OW 7/20/2014
Today I feel calm. Not really sure why. Actually worries me. I went a whole day with no tears. Yay for me. Yesterday I TM'd H off and on all day. All by his contact. Funny we were even talking when scallywag was around. At one point he sent me a Grr message and when I asked what he relied "Her Nothing else". (Yes that was the message). Before I would ask a million questions, but instead all I said was ok and changed the subject. Very Very proud of myself for that.
He sent me a message late last night asking if it was ok to come over and see the kids. I didn't get it until this morning. normally I wouldn't answer in the morning because it pisses scallywag off. But today, I said enough is enough. So i sent him that it was ok. She gets mad at him for it too bad. I am done respecting everyone elses feeling when mine arent.
My question regarding figuring out what she has etc actually came from my DB/DR books. But V said I can't figure that out so I am not worried about it.
I don't know how this will come out but, all of the sudden yesterday a feeling came over me. Time to push up my shirt sleeves and get busy. While I don't have my books here, because I keep them at work to not be found, I have my opener from Cadet that I am using on my days off.
This is about ME and MY BABIES.
Me 44 H 46 3 DD 22, 18, 15 1 DS 2.5 M 10/1992 BD1 2/2014 BD 2 7/19/2014 Moved in with OW 7/20/2014
My question regarding figuring out what she has etc actually came from my DB/DR books. But V said I can't figure that out so I am not worried about it.
Hello little1,
I'm so sorry for the situation you are in.
That's a good question regarding figuring out what she has...etc.
It would be extremely helpful to know what your next move should be. Please call me to discuss our program at 303-444-7004.
Cristy Resource Coordinator The Divorce Busting Center 303-444-7004
A Divorce Busting Coach can help you save your marriage, even when your spouse wants out.
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