I'm going to stick this article in with our tax stuff so when the H comes to get the tax info to take to the preparer he will find it. H probably won't read it as he refuses to read much of anything. It's a good read!
DBB, It is a great article. I know it is a crazy way to live always waiting for the other shoe to drop so to speak, but at least she calls and talks even if it's about nothing.. thats good. My kids haven't heard from H in days and I'm not kidding myself probably won't. My youngest has a b-day on Friday thats when H is supposed to have them. She doesn't want to go but I've promised her she can spend the day with me....seems to have settled her a little. Keep the faith DBB, your position is alot more hopeful than mine right now..any communication is better than none. Thanks for the tip on the arcticle, it was very insightful. Take care, write again stacie
What a bad day! I need to write, it's been four days and the H hasn't even called to check on his kids!! I can't believe he is so far gone, it's like he is running away from his past life...including what few friends he has. I go along real well, it's actually been a few days since I've cried but I'm ready to loose it now. I feel like I just need to accept my fate and move on (I wish I could runaway like him) seems to work for him. Sorry all.. just needed to vent! stacie B
Quote: DBB, I hope your day was better then yesterday, take care stacie
Thanks Stacie,
A little better; if I would let it be. Every damn thing reminds me of her; things that are not even related.
Sorry to hear about H, but believe it or not, this could be a good thing. He is left alone with his thoughts and actions and appears to have little support.
Actually, I see W quite a lot; this is frustrating and good in ways. She was here about 15 minutes today to do something on the computer; why she did not do this yesterday when she was here, is a mystery? But as someone, do not overread every action, I will set my expectations too high. Have NO expectations.
DBB, Your right it could be a good thing but he isn't exactly alone with his thoughts or is actions he's with OW and has tuned everbody and everything out. I'd like to think that the more time that goes by.. the more engrossed in her he gets... means that faster he will snap back into reality but like you I'm trying to have no expectations. It's hard to beleve this is the same man I married...I love him but I don't even like the person he has become. I'm not sure which is harder seeing your S everyday or not seeing them at all. You still have hope, she stopped by two days in a row....that would be good in my book. Take care, write later, stacie
Relationships based on deception and little else, especially if both parties are married, rarely sustain. It is likely the R with OW will disentegrate, and you said, perhaps sooner than later. Will this lead the WAS back to the M? Honestly, we have no idea. Of course, try as we might and I am plaqued with it tonight, we have no idea what they are thinking? I cannot for the life of me understand why she left me? I was not the perfect husband, but I was a VERY good one, maybe too good. Who knows? Yes, seeing her is a double-edged sword, because tonight she has not called and I want to hear her voice, but I will not call because I would be disappointed at the outcome. Someone on another post asked, since they too are having non-negative interactions with WAS and each are being nicer, like me and W, does this mean the WAS thinks we are ok with their decisions? W and I have been nicer and more considerate to each other than since this began. What a mass of contradiction. I love her so and want her to be part of the family and at the same time I cannot imagine her coming back; I don't believe I could go through the pain again.
DBB, I hope it ends sooner then later, but it doesn't mean it will...I feel a person can only pretend to be something their not for so long. Of coarse the contradiction there is maybe he has been pretending with me all these year?? I agree with the interactions, it's a contradiction...I feel when my H and I get along and we're nice to each other he does much better in his life because he thinks everything is ok..we can get divorced and she will still be my best friend. Reminder this is not something I think, H has actually said that we could still be best friends if we got divorced because he will always love me and he will always want to take care of me!!!! Talk about a contradiction.....AHHH, this is driving me insane, just reading what I wrote makes me want to cry. Well DBB it looks like it's a hard night for both of us. Sorry that your going through a rough time but maybe tomorrow will be a brighter day. Take Care, stacie B
Hi Stacie, Thanks for dropping by my post. ((((hugs)))) We all need them on our really bad days. Our sitchs are a lot alike. My H is living with the OW, we've been married 24 years. I really don't know my H anymore either, he has changed into a selfish, egotistical..... I felt we had a good marriage and a good relationship, great sex. He said something was missing, and a thousand other MLC lines. Our children are grown adults and we have 2 grandchildren. They are all devestated by this event. It is very painful to see the effects this has had on our grandchildren, they are 5 and 6.
Sorry for rambling on in your post. Hang in there and take care of yourself and your children. Do something special for yourself. Our aliens will someday realize what they have given up, and will feel some pain. I doubt they will ever feel as much pain as we have felt, but they will feel some. Take care
So here it goes another day. On my long drive home from work I couldn't help but obsess about H not calling. Of course he calls when I walk in the door...at first I was a little angry but tried to hold it together...angry at the fact he wanted to know what we were doing for our daughters birthday, of coarse he hasn't called in days to check on them. I managed to get myself under control but I went into help mode trying to fix his relationship with his kids, as always will I ever learn! We talked for over an hour about a lot of things, I didn't want to hang up. I confess I made I few bad remarks, not real bad but sometimes I can't help it. No talk about divorce except that I let him know I was ok one way or the other..he said we'll deal with that after his vacation in three weeks...great! I can't wait. He seemed pretty detached at the begining of our conversation but toward the end he let me know if I ever needed to talk he would always be there, no matter what happens I will always love you!!! What does this all mean....it drives me nuts. I will always love you I always feel like this means like his mother or friend but not his wife!! I'm always looking for hidden messages, but I try not to have any expectations. I'm not sure if it's easier to talk to him or not...I can't be his friend..that hurts way to much and obviously I can't talk to him because all I want to talk about is R and how I feel about him. I think I was doing better not hearing from him...now I have so many questions but no answers. Venting is always good. stacieB
