HI Zeus! You are right I do know the answer! No I should not believe him. They are never honest at this time! Its just so hard because he is so consistent.
I never really considered the lens thing but after reading it I applied it. I have bounced between sad he has yet to make plans to hang out with me like he said he would this week to im ok with it because I should have 0 expectations. So here have been the bouncing thoughts. Sad/hurt that he does not make time for me to I have control of this because I can sit at home a mope about it and cancel my plans to I can go out with my friend for dinner and shopping come home and go to bed or I can go out to the garage and spend time with him while he gets what he needs done also. I can not make him hang out with me, make plans, or sit and watch tv I can only control me and my choices. So I went out with my friend came home got on here and then I will go outside with him for half an hour and PMA and pretend it does not bother me.
I am also liking the 0 expectations. I usually have high expectations and of course he never meets them. So all day today I have reminded myself no expectations. So when he made dinner last night, cleaned up the house, and did laundry last night I had 0 expectations of anything getting done so i could kindly text him this morning telling him thank you for all the things you did instead of being mad he left me a list of stuff to buy and told me to hang out laundry. I was happy for the things he did do because it was above my 0 line. Also when I got home from store with everything I reminded myself of the 0 expectations for helping carry stuff in and I was much less upset he of course did as expected! 0!!! Now hopefully I can continue with these thoughts. I call that success day number 3!
I have to break the cycle one baby step at a time. When it was worded I have spent 30 years realizing what does not work do I still want to do it my answer was NO! I do not want to continue this pattern but again I am scared. I will conquer that fear though. I can not continue living like this. IF it can not be a healthy relationship I do not need it! I need to keep reminding myself of that!
Self care: I am going out at least one time a week. I am going to start doing game night once a week with the girls and movie night another. I want to be a better mom and enjoy more time with the kids. I have also bought myself a few things. I will not likely be attending IC this month due to a cost of 140.00 a session because I declined insurance at work and am hoping to get government health care as I could not afford health insurance through work! fingers crossed!
Emotional independence: Still struggling but I think today helped me prove I do not NEED him to be happy I had a great time out with my friend.
Financial Independence: I am working 20 extra hours this week. It [censored] but we will see how much extra I make! I am planning to put anything extra made on top of what I budget into savings.
You and everyone else's advice on here has been very helpful. I do not want you to fall back into that role either. I do of course get insight from what you write and you seem to have some great ideas. I do hope you continue following me and giving me advice but If it becomes to much for you I will understand also. I do not want to be the cause of your backslide. I have gotten much good information from everyone who has posted on here. I also want to be strong on my own. It has been very helpful just throwing ideas out and getting feedback. I will keep that in mind and make sure I do not refer to the "helpful" word. I will make sure I am not hindering you also! No need for that. I will take time as I get time to read your thread but I get kids back tomorrow so busy busy busy! Ha I also have TONS of laundry to fold due to my lack of doing it all week ! I shall keep pushing forward!
! I shall keep pushing forward!