Hi Eirinn, it must be hard hearing stuff like that from your S - ugh. I think the best thing to do is focus on getting on the road and on the way to your workshop serene and intact. In all of your actions, try and show H that you trust him absolutely to take great care of S while you are away. Let go of any potentially 'overprotective' thoughts & impulses. Accept that some of what H does will be 'his' way and not 'yours' and that's okay. Accept that he will make good choices about whose car S gets to drive in and so on.
This is so true, Toots! He actually sent me an email today asking why I thought that our S wasn't napping for him, and I told him that it could just be the day. I then started to ask him questions about what he did prior to nap to set it up, but deleted all but the initial comment about the day. I felt anything else would be lecturing.
And when you are away, perhaps limit yourself to a little phone chat a day with S? Be busy with your own stuff and largely let them be. Remember, this is the week you get to have a little time off being 'Mum' and some time to be Eirinn, so make the most of meeting some lovely new people and learning some new stuff. I hope it all goes really well for you! xx
And again you are right. I'm at an incredible place, with great people, and wonderful collaborative ideas. Also, I"m sleeping by myself, so don't have to worry about snoring! I will try to immerse myself more and try to leave my emotional burdens at home.
Thank you for reminding me what's important this week.
XX E
M 46 / H 43 T 24/M 18 S 4 11/6/2014 ILYBNILWY 1/16/2015 Living in separate bedroom 1/8/2016 H moved out
Just a thought for you. There's Another book might shed some light on your husbands response. This one is by Harley. His needs - her needs. It is kinda similar vein as 5LL insofar as this helps open you eyes to things your spouse might be wanting from marriage. There are some other things in this book like the love bank concept...but the topic for this conversation is what men are looking for out of marriage.
One of them is to have an attractive spouse. Now I read this and thought well BS. I still think my wife is as beautiful as the day I met her (not that she will agree on bit, if I pulled back I can see where she is coming from, but deep down i don't care to think any other way).
Rereading this section, I can understand better what he was going for. When my wife gets dressed up for a wedding (still almost no makeup mind you...va-vva-va vroom). Ya that was missing for a long time. The extra effort to look at her best. We had kids and we let our selves get into that comfortable groove. I get that.
Anyway...your description of H's reaction to your apology made me think of that instantly.
Maybe worth picking up if you run out of books to read
Zephyr, you always come up with great ideas for my reading list! Thank you for always helping me to see my H's point of view. I will indeed add it to my pile!
E
M 46 / H 43 T 24/M 18 S 4 11/6/2014 ILYBNILWY 1/16/2015 Living in separate bedroom 1/8/2016 H moved out
Called my S tonight to say goodnight. My S was prompted by my H to tell me what he did that day. Went out to an adventure park with his OW-friend. I responded with a perfect PMA, and my son was very enthusiastic.
Having a tough night. Miss my boy so much and am missing my marriage too.
M 46 / H 43 T 24/M 18 S 4 11/6/2014 ILYBNILWY 1/16/2015 Living in separate bedroom 1/8/2016 H moved out
Hey Elly. I just realized who this is. Sorry I fell behind on your sitch. Nothing much to add other than to say I'm proud of you for doing your best each and every day! Glad I'm back on the trail
Me:38 XW:38 T:11 years M:8 years Kids: S14, D11, D7 BD/Move out day: 6/17/14, D final Dec 15
Hi Zues! Yea, I changed it after what happened to Matt. It wasn't my real name but a screen name he knows I use. So decided to add another layer of safety.
Glad to "see" you!
E
M 46 / H 43 T 24/M 18 S 4 11/6/2014 ILYBNILWY 1/16/2015 Living in separate bedroom 1/8/2016 H moved out
Shoot, just figured out the change in name as well.
Not sure about the anniversary E, that's a tough one. Sounds like your H doesn't mind rubbing it in your face that he's out with someone else. Not very kind of him.
I'd say take yourself out for an amazing dinner, you deserve it.
I'm sure it's tough to miss your family, I know it is actually. Be strong E, deep down strong.
Big hug,
PP
M 39 W 36 T5 M3 BD - 1/15 Separated - Same Day Served 9/15 D finalized 6/17
Hi PP! Sorry about the name change, just wanted an extra layer of safety.
I'm not sure going out for supper would be a good idea as I've been gone for five nights. It would reinforce my H's opinion that I always put him last. Maybe just head up to my bedroom early and relax. Rest of the time, my S will be around and I think I'll just treat it like a normal day.
What if he gives me something? I don't think he will...but..
What have others done about this?
M 46 / H 43 T 24/M 18 S 4 11/6/2014 ILYBNILWY 1/16/2015 Living in separate bedroom 1/8/2016 H moved out
Home. Great to see my son and my H. incredibly hard to see him too. He was distant all night and told me he's going hiking tomorrow. Guess that means it's just my S and me.
I wanted to do something to mark our anniversary so bought him a food that he really likes and left a note on it explaining that I wanted him to know I thought of him over the week. I got gifts for my S s I am not expecting a response or a gift from him.
M 46 / H 43 T 24/M 18 S 4 11/6/2014 ILYBNILWY 1/16/2015 Living in separate bedroom 1/8/2016 H moved out
