Your children will need to figure out a way to "deal" w/their mother. They are old enough to figure this out...but it's going to take some time for them to do so.
I know it's very frustrating for you to see how their mother is playing the fiddle all of the time, but there's nothing you can do to help them w/this situation. Listen to what your children have to say and validate their thoughts/feelings. If they ask your opinion, then tell them what they need to hear, but otherwise, you'll have to sit back and allow all of this communication stuff play out between the children and their mother.
Sit quietly, the answers will reveal themselves when you least expect them to. The past is gone, the present is a gift and you need to focus on today, allow the future to reveal itself when it is ready.
