Hi U, I just wanted to stop by and see how you are doing.
I'm not sure if I ever mentioned it, but one of the last things my ex said to me, in the last big discussion we had was "do something that stops me taking you for granted".
This has gone around and around in my head since the moment he said it. At first it was crushing to hear. The blame I felt from that statement. The incrediable sense of not being good enough as I was, that what I was doing and how I was contributing to the relationship, how I was loving him was not good enough and our relationship ending was all my fault.
With many months of reflection, some of that statement is all of those things. His need to abdicate responsibility for his role in changing our relationship dynamic, his lack of committment to carry some of the load. But...I realised that he was in some way actually asking me to draw a line in the sand, a boundary, that said to him, I priortise myself, I respect myself and will not support you in you taking me for granted. I think about it now and I wonder if he was asking me to help him be the person I feel in love wiht and for me to return to the person he fell in love with, he wanted that girl back, and didn't know how to make it happen himself. I think now he disliked himself knowing that he was being selfish and was asking me to help him gain his own self respect.
I wonder if you taking this next step, is a way of demonstrating to wife that you do completely have self respect and self love and will create a boundary for her to respect. Look I don't know what my ex would have done if I had done the things that would have stopped him taking me for granted. But I think its time your wife got a strong sense of the man you are and the man you have become.
Just my opinion and said with great kindness and admiration of you.
