I was just wondering because my wife has kept several of her friends throughout the process. She started brain washing them prior to the A being exposed. It drives me crazy that they support her. It is like they have no brains. They don't even take the time to understand the truth and the hurt she is putting our children and me through. They tell her things like, you will find the special true love of your life one day. You will know and feel it when it is there. You can handle being a single mom, many women do.
Why the heck are they not saying. Stop what you are doing. Try to work things our with your husband at least for your children's sake. your moving way to fast. I just don't understand. I don't understand how anyone can support her though this. Even her parents, what the heck are they thinking. Do they honestly believe all the lies she tells them even though they have never seen me act any of the ways that she claims.
People in general are naive about infidelity. They just don't know what to say or how to be supportive. Waywards also have a delusional way of either mishearing someone or misconstruing everything said into being supportive of their chosen [wayward] actions. Unless you are reading or hearing this stuff yourself, don't believe that everyone is being 100% supportive of your wayward spouses activities and behavior.
Also, people are generally self centered and your wife has demonstrated by her actions that she thinks people and relationships are disposable. They don't dare confront her because she likely has already conditioned them to tell her only what she wants to hear. If they even hint at a "serious discussion" they get a stone face and then the silent treatment for a time. The truth is inconvenient to the fantasy so way wards avoid friends and family to a large extent thus the friends and family are scared she's ditching them too. Like you, they are in friendship and daughter relationship survival mode.
Sometimes, after a recovery, the friends and family will indicate that they were talking among themselves and thinking it was a bad idea but they never were given the opportunity by the wayward to give their true opinion.
A true friend would sit them down and set them straight, but way wards are squirrel'y like that and difficult to pin down.
If you recover....avoid these friends and family for awhile. Focus just on your marriage and marital relationship and put off considering or thinking about mending those friendships until later, if ever. I choose to forgive most of those persons without an apology because ignorance is bliss and I didn't need to "teach them" anything. My behavior as a man and husband thereafter speaks and spoke for itself. However, there is one former close friend of my wife's that was much more of an accomplice that we haven't seen or spoken to in over a decade. I'd forgive her if she asked, but we are in no hurry to ever reconcile a relationship. I never laid down any law about it...like "we will never speak or see her again" rather it was a joint decision in recovery that our marriage and family would be better served associating with healthy, preferably married persons that would hold us both accountable for our behavior versus unrepentant multiply divorced adulterers. Your mileage might vary.
The internet is 90% complaining and entitlement and I hate it because I deserve better!
