I will share with you something I learned in all this... the mind is alot like a muscle. You have to work it out, like you are at the gym. You are starting slow by just simply containing your actions, not voicing them ... this is a start. Now you need to train yourself to not have these thoughts that will get you spinning.
A few techniques ... you can close your eyes and imagine a STOP sign ... stop thinking about those red flags and OW. Others use a rubber band and snap it. Another I used was setting a timer on my phone ... 5-10 minutes .. I would go somewhere alone and allow myself that time to think about W, OM, whatever it was ... when the timer went off .. no more .. think of something else .. family/kids/a GAL activity.
Thing is .. this is all you ... just as you can not control your H's thoughts and his actions ... nor can he control/influence yours once you realize all that power is inside of you. So YOU need to captain your ship here hope ... never allow someone to sail you into the cliffs
As far as the OW goes ... you have to set this aside for now, I am not saying it does not get addressed ... I just do not think you are 'there' just yet ... time and place for everything, now is not the time. Do know ... that when you get there we will really get into Boundaries, you have to set some smaller ones up first then when the time is right .. the big ones come into play and NC with the OP is typically right up there with Full Transparency & MC once you both come to the table open and willing to work on the M. To put This boundary up to fast (as I did) is a mistake and can set you back a solid 6 months as it did me... patience Hope ... get your ship under control first here ok?
