this is really hard. I do understand the principles. But as you say, I feel compelled to do some of the no-no's. I will tone it down and not grovel.
I just met with a lawyer, and it really scared me. She said divorces almost always end up worse than either party thought they would. Even when people start out with good intentions, it almost always goes bad. Bad for the kids, bad for both of the spouses. Bad for everyone.
I have to do everything in my power to avoid this from happening. I have to plant some seeds in her heart and in her mind to give her some awareness of how much I love her and how much better it could be together, than what we are facing if we D. I just have to. Maybe I'm wrong but my heart says to do it and all my life I have followed my heart.
For example, she just went to look at a house yesterday. She came back and said, "yikes. it was in bad shape. I realize now that whoever moves out is not going to have a very nice place to live. So I guess since I'm the one making this all happen, I need to be the one to do that." Another thing, we have an electric car, that she loves. We have discussed that we will probably have to sell it because it can't drive long distances and we she won't have a backup for trips anymore (my car). So she will have to give up the car she loves and live in a crappy house. Also she has acknoweledged that money is going to be tight, so vacations and even simple things like going to the movies will have to be cut. I would like to just point out to her that she doesn't have to give up all these things. The alternative is to say with me, and accept the new found love I want to give her, and she can keep the car and the vacations, and go to the movies as much as she wants, and get great backrubs, and the kids won't be at risk, and we will have money for college...
Shes about to go on a trip for 5 days and spend a lot of time in the car. I feel like if I write her a short letter to plant some seeds in her heart and mind, and remind her there is an alternative to the yucky plan she's on of a yucky house, no money to spend, etc.. the words I say will echo in her mind while she's driving and talking with her friend when she gets there, and she will contemplate these things a little more than she would if I do nothing.
I know you will all say I'm wrong. And perhaps I am. But I am so compelled to do this, I think I can keep the basic principles in mind and not beg and not grovel in my approach it will not do so much harm, and might do a tiny bit of good. I really need her to just contemplate the two paths.... and at this point she is not even considering the path back home. I feel like if she can take one second to just step back and see there is a choice and one is pretty yucky, that's all I want is for her to realize the repercussions and realize there is a choice still. Not asking her to change her mind right now... just planting seeds that would hopefully get her to think about it a little more before she jumps into it.
