Your H sounds just like mine! Is there a handbook out there that they have and they are all reading from the same page? I am so frustrated with the situation! H tells me all the time that he knows what he wants to do (come home) and what he needs to do but then nothing happens because he hesitates. I think aliens have invaded his head and they take over when he is at her house, where he currently lives. I posted on midlifecrisisforum.com on the infidelity forum (Question for mickb84) and got a great response. mickb84 is a guy who was in our H's shoes and got out of his situation and went home. Go read the post. It is very encouraging and reassuring to know that we are not all nuts.
On Sunday, H was at a ball game out of town. OW came to my house!!!! I didn't answer the door because I had been sleeping, not feeling well and looked like hell. At least if I face this woman I need to look good, right? She rang the bell several times with minutes between each ring. I peeked out the window to see who it was and didn't even think that it would be her. I saw a woman who was walking around my car in the driveway, came back and rang the bell again and then decided I wasn't home, got in her car and left. I have never seen her before, nor do I want to. H called later that day and I asked him if he knew someone who drove that type of car and color. He got all weird about it and started asking questions, like was it a woman, what did she look like, what was she wearing? Then I put 2 & 2 together. I really didn't see her because I was trying not to be seen because I had just woken from a nap and didn't want to be social with anyone. I did see what she was wearing and what her hair was like and the make/model and color of her car but not her face. If I thought for a second it was her I would have paid more attention! When he got to her house, she was wearing exactly what I described. The nerve of her! I blew a gasket and told my H to tell her to stay away from me, that I was hurt enough and didn't need her coming to my house. She has friends that drive by and check to see if H is there. (I live on a short street with only 5 houses on it so no one ever just drives by) I never realized that either until Sunday. I caught them once, they were stopped in front of my house and I pulled in the driveway. They took off so fast they left skid marks in the street! I need to be more paranoid I guess but I just don't think that way. It just never occurs to me that people would do that. Not grownups anyway.
So, I blew up at him. I probably shouldn't have, its against the DB advice, but enough is enough. I didn't personally attack him but let him know what I thought and that he needed to stop that stuff from happening again. He is being manipulated by her, with her using me to do it. And I am angry about it! I don't know what damage I caused but I guess I will know soon enough. Who knows, maybe it will damage her?!?
Thanks for letting me vent this. It has been boiling inside me all day!
