Newbie-H away with OW

[Train]

but will keep my ring on for now. I guess I put it on because it symbolizes the commitment we made. My H is very sentimental too so I thought it may spark something in his memory/heart.
It won't. If anything, in the middle of an active A, it'll do exactly the opposite. And this tells me that you're thinking that your actions can change your H's mind. The *only* thing that *might* make him doubt his decision to move on in life without you is a credible fear that he might be losing you. That's something you can't relay in words; it has to be through *actions*. You need to remember who you are and what you are made of. And then get a little angry that your H has disrespected you. Don't show him anger. Show him confidence.

I'm starting school in Sept. which is going to be a big expense so financially it makes sense for him to stay. Also, it would be more difficult to show I'm GAL and doing 180s if he isn't here to see it.

What's the consensus about moving out vs separated living?
If, in your mind, you depend on him for financial reasons, that is a weakness in you. He will smell it a mile away. I know it would be easier, financially, for him to be there. The question is: would it be easier in the long run on your PMA and your heart?

People differ in opinions on whether it's best to live together or apart during LRT. I think it depends on the "case." If you can effectively DB while he's in the house - in other words, if you're strong enough to get your own, personal groove back while he's having an unrepentant A right in your face, day-in and day-out - then I don't see a down-side to him staying in the house. Like you said, then he could see your 180s far more often than if you're living separately.

I think, however, most people are not strong enough to handle that, even if they try to convince themselves they are. I don't even think I would have been. I actually liked (relatively speaking) living separately from my H while he was in his A. The times he was gone allowed me down-time to decompress. I had time and space to fall apart when I needed to. I didn't have to be "on my game" all the time. Does that sound like I was "acting" in front of him? It does. And I was. I was acting in front of him the way I saw myself when I could finally and completely drop the rope. I was acting like the person I wanted to be until I could actually become that girl, which I knew would take time. I was able to find myself a little more when my H wasn't here. And when he was here, I had the strength to get up, take good care of myself, look my best, be neighborly-friendly ... and then walk away, on the way to my own big plans that he didn't have a right to know a thing about.

And as I walked away, I felt good. I felt strong. I began remembering who I was and what I was made of. So that when H left to go back to OW, I still felt a little stronger than I did the time before. And eventually, I grew willing to walk away completely because I realized, well, I could. And I could be happy.

And that's when everything started changing.

I don't think you should ASK your H to leave. You are very smart to stay in your bed and set him up in a different part of the house to sleep. You don't have to tell him that's what you're doing. Just set it up, and once he's home, continue with your personal nighttime routine as normal. When it's time to go to bed, cheerfully wish him a goodnight, go to your room and shut and lock the door. Have his accommodations set up, wherever he's going to sleep, before he even gets home.

That's the long answer. And it's not really an answer. But hopefully it provides some things for you to consider.

And listen, Nt, make sure you are not leaving this site up on your phone or computer while H is in town, okay? Delete all traces on your computer and/or phone. If H sees it, he's going to accuse you of trying to manipulate him. And it WOULD NOT be good.