Still Struggling with a plan!

[hopeOK]

Again ... he will do what he wants when he wants ... he already proved that right? You leaving or staying is not going to change what he wants to do .. you have to stop thinking you and your actions control him. The A and OW ... Not your circus .. not your monkey.

Ah, ok, ok. Letting go of control (even the illusion) is difficult for me. But I definitely see what you are saying. I would be doing it for me... I find when I am with my family I am happier and more relaxed. But it is hard to stop considering what it would do for H. But point taken.

Ding! Ding! Ding!

My boy, Cali, stuck the landing with that response up there^^^^

Hope, your h will do what he does. Free will.

Enjoy your vacation and have fun!

Yes. You are right. I am working to give up the control I seem to think I could possibly have. I think my perceived ability to influence certain things makes me keep at it. I do realize that it is ultimately H's decision whether to end his contact with OW ... and it is also his decision whether to start up another affair. But I think that if I can do better at xyz (things I need to improve on... like not being so accusatory or other unhealthy communication habits I have gotten into) & we can build back a good foundation & have a lot more positive good feelings about each other... then he would more easily see that maintaining any kind of relationship w/ the OW is detrimental to our R. So am I trying to control what he does? I think I really want to create a positive environment by making healthy choices so that it enables my H & I to come together & work on being better to each other. I realize that I cannot say xyz & expect him to do it. But I think if I, say for example, apologize for my unhealthy approach, I am creating an environment of owning my mistakes & being repentant ... which is paving the way for more positive interactions in the future. Right?