Tad, Everyone has given you good advice. They aren't getting married until next year and a lot could happen during the year. Your future DIL may decide a bit later on that she wants the wedding elsewhere. There have to be some inexpensive venues in your area that would do nicely...but again, it's a year away and things can change.
I know you don't want to go to your xw's house for the wedding, but you have to keep in mind, this is your son's wedding and he wants you there. If you don't go, it will put a damper on the festivities for him and his further wife and you will regret not participating in his wedding.
If, and I mean if, they do hold the wedding there, you can go, mingle w/family and friends, i.e., put in an appearance, and if you don't want to stay, then leave Nothing says you have to roll out the red carpet and kiss your xw's feet. You can be cordial, i.e., smile, nod or whatever and continue mingling.
Tad, there comes a time when we have to sometimes bite the bullet and do things that we do not want to do for the sake of our children. There are going to be a lot of different activities that will involve both you and your xw and her husband over the years to come.
Tad, anything can happen in a year. Try to keep an open mind on this matter for now. Life is too short to worry about something that is a year away.
Sit quietly, the answers will reveal themselves when you least expect them to. The past is gone, the present is a gift and you need to focus on today, allow the future to reveal itself when it is ready.
