Your marriage as you knew it is dead in the water. Stop blaming yourself for that. A marriage is 50/50. She could have spoke up at any time over the years to tell you how unhappy she was.
I was reading a book yesterday (totally unrelated to this) and I found this passage so meaningful:
"There are plenty of people out there judging us every day of our lives and for every move we make. The gods of guilt are many. You don't need to add to them."
You contributed to your part of the failings of your marriage. But recognize it, fix it and move forward.
