Think back to high school. If there was some girl that you didn't like that had the hots for you, how would you react if she wrote you a love song? How about if she came up to you and said "don't you like my new glasses?" "Isn't my new shirt cool?" "You know, I started working out..." "I really do love you, you know." Would those things turn you on to her? What if you left for summer break and came back and she was toned and dressed better and wore contacts and had her hair done nicely? You might be into her then, right?
How about another way - if you put a frog in cold water and slowly heat it to a boil, the frog won't notice and will burn itself to death. But if you drop it in boiling water, it will jump right out.
My point is that if you foist every change on her, she isn't going to notice.
Nobody is saying to be a jerk. If you make coffee and you think she wants one, fine. But if you drive 40 minutes to get her favorite coffee, that's a no-no.
Ultimately it's not about doing what you think is RIGHT. It's about doing what WORKS.
