A lot of us have been through this. Unfortunately you can't believe a word she says. Most WW's will just take it further underground. You need to read Sandi2's rules and her posts about WW's. It is still early yet. Stop any begging, pleading, or crying if you are doing it. Don't try to convince her she is wrong. You have to get ahead of this now. The longer you wait to start DBing the harder it is gong to be. Please read Sandi2's rules and posts; they are an invaluable source.
Me: 30's W: 30's M: 12yrs EA: Started 3/2015 MC Started: 4/2015 She moved out and served 6/2015 PA: Confirmed 10/5/2015 2 young kids
"If you do not stand for something you will fall for anything."
I ordered the books yesterday. Will take some time to reach me in Belgium but it is what it is.
I've broken so many rules, told myself yesterday it was a fresh start, and broke some again.
I haven't spoken with her on the phone since I've found out about the affair. It's just been email/facebook.
The last couple of days she has expressed remorse and deep shame/disappointment in herself. She's staying with my parents and the fact my dad can't look at her is destroying her.
Anyways, our friends here in Belgium had their baby. She had deactivated her facebook so I sent her the pictures. She talked about the memories of having our children, and said she was happy I had atleast some good memories to hold onto.
Me being an idiot, took the bait. I told her I had much more wonderful memories of us than just when our daughters were born. She asked if I would put a list together and she would do the same.
My mind was screaming at me to say no, but my lack of willpower lost and I ended up making a long and detailed list of my favorite times with her. Shed some tears while doing it. I kept telling myself that not all of these women can be of the same mold when their like this, but I was wrong.
The first thing she did was correct one of my memories. Then tore some of them up, saying she was only doing things in them because she was trying to get my attention away from the things I was preoccupied with.
Realizing what she was doing it angered me. I called her manipulative and cruel. Told her she never had a list in mind and was just using this to hurt me.
She told me that wasn't true and sent me her list. I haven't responded to her since and don't plan to.
I broke alot of the rules last night, but I think I got the kick in the butt I needed to go all in on this thing.
Thanks Cadet for the advice. I read your lighthouse post and hit home.
I pick her and my girls up at the airport next Wed.
I wanted to get my two girls a bouquet a flowers, and obviously not one for my wife. Is this an ok thing to do, or will it seem to her that I'm trying to hurt her?
I've also talked to my leadership here and will be working half days this week. I'll be moving all of her clothes and and belongings into the spare bedroom before she returns.
Shimmy you may have taken her bait and broke some rules but today is a new day. Just get back on the DB horse and try your best. It breaks my heart that you have to go through this while serving.
So my day is nearing its end out here in Belgium. W messaged me first today, upset that i hadn't responded to her list of our favorite memories. Told her I was busy at work and that I enjoyed those times as well. Tried to leave it short and sweet.
She claims that she wants to work and fix our marriage and had asked me to setup a couple therapy session after my solo next week.
My oldest d6 called me when she woke up, crying she missed me. Almost made me lose it, but they'll be back from the states next wed.
Had a long convo with my 1st Sgt today. Said he spoke to the OM leadership and had a good conversation with him. A no contact order with him and my wife are in place.
That said, everytime I see his car parked outside of his office I get the urge to bash his windows in.
Its strange to me that I don't feel scared about losing my wife. I want to work things out, but I feel prepared for life without her. The thing that scares me is losing my kids since I'm in the military. I'm half way across the world from home.
That said, I'm 100% committed to trying to work this out. I'm trying to not be emotional when I speak with her but its hard.
She seems very remorseful and shamed but still very angry with my part in driving her to be WW. I don't blame her and fully accept my responsibility in the issues were having. That said, I get so angry and have to bite my tongue when she acts as if our transgressions are the same. I know she's lost but its hard on my end to tolerate it.
I also moved all of her clothes into the spare bedroom today. She was talking to me about buying new bedding before she flew back so I'm not sure what to expect when she realizes what's going on.
I still havent seen her since I discovered the affair when I came back from leave. The thought of seeing her, talking to her make my stomach turn. I'm disgusted with what she has done but I'm still in love with her. I know we have a long way to go yet, but I'm scared I'll never find the strength to forgive her. The images of her and OM are a constant in my head. I don't know how I'll ever be intimate with her again, but that's a bridge that's hundreds of miles away.
Sorry for rambling, just nice to share mh thoughts
Had a long convo with my 1st Sgt today. Said he spoke to the OM leadership and had a good conversation with him. A no contact order with him and my wife are in place.
That said, everytime I see his car parked outside of his office I get the urge to bash his windows in.
I can only say this about the OM. He is NOTHING other than a PROP in her play. If it wasn't him it would be someone else or some other reason. Let go of your anger towards him - that is on YOU.
Your issues are with your wife and yourself. Control the 50% that is your part - YOU!
