I am starting to feel calmer now and don't know why. Maybe it was that hard cry I had earlier. Who knows. Re-reading my post, I realize that the man I posted about is not the man I married, but I can't do his journey for him, he has to go alone. I actually started to laugh at the post. I seriously don't know why.
His drive bys are quite funny. I know I am being watched everywhere. Its like he has little spies. I know this because he has made a comment about something that happened to me in my department that I didn't tell him about. I kept my mouth shut, but that is the first time I realized I was being watched. I think it is a control thing. No I know it is. But your right, He is losing some of his control over me and is not liking it one bit. The deputies that I work with I have known for over 10 years and know my sitch. They also know that my kids are home alone while I am at work and even though my DD's are older, there is still DS. So there are hourly drive by's and yard checks at my home. They are not at the same time or intervals so no one knows when they are coming. Including H. Also he does not have keys to the house. I had to change the locks shortly after he left because DS took everything apart.
Don't worry about Liam. He is all yours. Now if it was Nicholas Cage (in Face-Off) you and I would have to talk.
I have spoken to a L. H does not have a leg to stand on. If he files, I can take him for everything and there is nothing he can do. I can use abandonment and win. That is why I keep track of everything. Every time he sees the kids (which is very, very little), any contact with the kids, the duration of the time, and any and all interactions with me. I also speak respectfully about him and the scallywag to the children. I know she does not give me the same respect. But I do that so that it can't be said that I am the one that caused the children to hate her the way they do.
I think I am starting to let go but I am not sure. Yes I love him. Yes I want him to come home---if and when he is ready. Yes I am standing for my marriage, because I believe in the marriage, I believe in reconciliation, and I believe we can be an even better couple. I also believe the scallywag has a lot to do with what is going on. I know she is filling his head with BS. Like you told me V, this is an addiction and it has to burn out on its own. But I also believe that if we don't make it, I know it was not because of me. And he already knows if and when he returns it will be on MY terms not his.
Me 44 H 46 3 DD 22, 18, 15 1 DS 2.5 M 10/1992 BD1 2/2014 BD 2 7/19/2014 Moved in with OW 7/20/2014
