Todays has been really bad for me. Every little thing is making me want to cry.
contact with H is down and has been since beginning of the month. We talked a little bit tonight about his work but nothing major. AND THEN, he texts me with "enjoy your weekend doing whatever or whoever" I told him to have a good weekend also and I got sure. When he says sure, it means something is not right. I made the mistake of asking if he was ok and if he needed an ear to listen I had 2 no pressure no expectations. And he was not happy. I know I should not have said that and i did apologize.
He is stuck on I am sleeping with someone but he doesn't know who it is. This usually happens when he drives by the house and sees a strange vehicle in the yard. Hello look at the ages of our DD's. But no. Usually when he makes those comments I just ignore them. It is not a fight worth having. I tried once and he didn't believe me so I just don't. I know the truth and that is all that matters. I have told him several times that my personal life is off-limits to him. I feel he left me for OW, it is none of his business if I am seeing someone or not. and one the same note every once in a while i get this: You need to go out. get out of the house. But if I do, I am told I need to be at home with the children not out running around. He knows that its off limits because every once in a while he will acknowledge that.
My lovely little, there is a quote which made me take breath and that is "H is stuck on I am sleeping with someone but he doesn't know who it is" and "this is usually when he drives by the house........"
I am very concerned with this because it indicates the need for a high level of control indeed. I really want you to consider a discussion with an IC, your choice of course. It's at best cake eating and looking at you as option B. At worst he is checking on you to even notice, my WH kept turning up at my home and I found it freaky and very frightening. This is your home. Little, your decision of course and I would like you to take this seriously.
Frankly who you are with is none of his business at all, that is your choice. You can have Liam Neesen around there (my heart throb, don't you dare!), or the whole US swim team, none of his concern any longer. WH is living with an OW and has left his family and his home. You know this and say so too.
How do I handle this situation? I honestly haven't just kind of ignored it, but he has brought it up several dozen times this month which is out of character.
It is time for a good L and to consider steps to find out where you stand legally. WH may sense you are becoming more grounded and he is losing some of his cake. I know that isn't what you want to hear, at the same stage in my R I wanted some magic dust, was in urge for secret words that I could whisper to resolve it.
Not to mention, I think I have turned back into the enemy again. Everything I say is wrong or overstepping my bounds or upsetting him somehow. And oh my goodness, if I don't talk to him when he talks to me that will set him off. Then he starts quizzing our DD's about why I won't talk to him. I am almost to a point of shutting him off completely and letting him stew in HIS MESS for a bit. Its Not ok for me to go out and have fun with adults, but it is ok for me to go sleep with other people.
This is also very concerning, the only relief is WH isn't in an in house separation. I can see you are struggling with this, and little, my M was like this and it has taken great efforts on my part to get some space, in order to do that I went NC. Completely dark, no contact at all, with him or through anyone. Actually I don't see WH as giving you permission here, it looks like a sarcastic remark to me. If I had said the grass is green then my WH would have spewed because I had over stepped the mark. This is WH wanting to own the remote control of your life. My threads contain many examples including not buying apple juice and the wrong bacon. Please keep a journal of this and post it here, it helps to keep this in black and white. Please dip into my threads my WH accused me of sleeping with a 72 year old called Jo, who is happily married and female, just because he saw a text from Jo on my phone and thought it was a guy.
Here is a link to part of my own discussion on my WH
Last time he was like this, all was not well in happyville and after about a month or so, he told me about it.
This is a breadcrumb to keep you interested and hoping he will come back, so he can come back on his terms. I want you to be safe above all, very safe. Take no risks with this. Please keep posting.
V
Freedom is just another word for nothing left to loose. V 64, WAW
